On The Wrong Foot
by Sombereyes
Summary: Happiness is something that's far more abstract than dreams, fame, or fortune. That was something I wish I'd learned earlier…but, back then, I felt as if I had to live up to some grand expectation...I wanted someone…anyone…to discover the truth...I wanted more than anything, to just be my own person, but, that was easier said than done. [AU short-story] Shiz/Nat
1. Chapter 1

A/N: I've been slacking off in the Mai HiME section, but I've recently caught the Ah! My Goddess, bug as it were. I've always liked the series, but I've been getting more and more involved with it. Besides, it's nice to write romance between a man and a woman every now and then...anyway, it's April, and that means its camp NaNoWriMo time! So, I'll kind of be missing a bit from the FFN as I do some original works.

However, this was a vacation project that came to me during a marathon of watching NCIS, food network programs, and one too many episodes of Doctor Who on one rainy day. The mish-mash of episodes ended up doing odd things to my brain. I was bored out of my mind that day, one thing transcended into another, and soon this little puppy was born…this is about 5 chapters, floating around in the undercurrent of my personal idiocy...namely Fever + Boredom = this.

Shiz/Nat actually starts in CP2.

Disclaimer, there was no forethought given to this, it just sort of…spilled out…the fiction is already completed, just putting up the chapters, though I might combine chapters 4 and 5, since they're both short…in saying that, the ending is an opened ended, and an inconclusive one…if that sort of thing doesn't appeal to you, I would suggest turning away.

* * *

Chapter 1

Sometimes, the things you really want in life, are the things you'd never think twice about. Sometimes, the stuff you fixate on for years and years, are just the things you expect of yourself...it doesn't mean you really want them…only that, for whatever reason, they seem like the right thing to do at the time. Happiness is something that's far more abstract than dreams, fame, or fortune.

The simplistic things we take for granted are often the moments that we are actually happy.

That was something I wish I'd learned earlier…but, back then, I wanted to be known for something amazing. I didn't think about how it made me feel. Only that, I felt as if I had to live up to some grand expectation, and ultimately, surpass my mother…it was pretty foolish, really, but I sincerely felt that way. So, I thought that if I could break the mold, I would be given some sort of consolation prize for growing up as I had.

…living in her shadow...

I thought I had to discover something new, or build it with my own two hands…something that belonged only to me. An accomplishment that only I could come up with. I wanted everyone to turn their attention to me. To look my way, and see me as who I really was, and not just my mother's daughter. I wanted someone…anyone…to discover the truth…

I just...I wanted more than anything, to just be my own person, but, that was easier said than done.

In the scientific communities around the world, my mother was famous. Back when she was alive, anyway. I was born and raised among that lab equipment and suffocating prestige. As far back as I can recall, my mom was in the spotlight. As a woman valued on her ideals, principles, and discoveries.

You could say, she was also grooming me to follow in her footsteps…at least, I think she was.

I can't say I really understand what drove her, motivated her, and inspired her…but, at the same time, that's a moot point. Even so, it's all I can remember, because her hard work consumed my life too. At two, I was on her lap when she wrote her thesis statements late into the night. At five, I was building those silly volcanoes out of baking soda, vinegar, and food coloring. At nine, I won my first award in a science fair…

And when I was ten…my mother died.

Thankfully, my mom had a lot of friends, and they took care of me. I never went to a real school…my books were the case records kept in the offices. My homework was to watch and learn. I crunched numbers in accounting in the mornings, schlepped boxes and equipment in the afternoon, and when someone would let me, I'd join them in their latest project. I was earning an allowance that was truly little more than pocket change to buy a soda. At night, I went home with whoever wanted to take me, and normally, I would stay with the Greer family…that is, until I was old enough to stay someplace by myself.

Every day, when someone wanted to praise me, they'd say the same thing…although, I was about thirteen when I took it to heart.

…

"You are your mother's daughter." A smile came from the technician in the robotics department. "You get better, and better every time you come to work on Miyu." He pat the young apprentice gingerly on the shoulder as he passed by. The florescent lighting made his eyes hard to discern from beyond his glasses, but, it was his smirk that let Natsuki know what he was thinking. "Have you decided what field of study you'd like to involve yourself with? I really think you'd flourish in robotics."

"Nah, not really." The girl said, holding the newest upgradeable piece in her hands. "All I do is reboot the systems. Any intern could do it."

"Not just any intern does." He said warmly. "You do it, and you do it well."

"I'm not an intern." She replied dryly, putting the expensive new module down onto the metal table. "I'm just a scientist's kid." She muttered, almost too quietly.

Still, he caught wind of it. "Not just any scientist, Natsuki." He said, pushing the glasses further up the bridge of his nose. "You're the daughter of Saeko, one of the finest in biotech that I've ever seen, don't forget that." While he went about to inspect his longest and most beloved creation, he paused, looking at the machine that looked to be a teenaged girl. "How is Miyu doing today?"

"She's fine." Natsuki said, looking up at one of the monitors. "What, did you think she wouldn't be?"

"When installing new hardware, it's always important to question if the software can handle it." He nodded. "I'm glad she's doing okay. This is a big install."

"Even if Miyu did malfunction, you could fix her." Natsuki shrugged. "She's always been a fine machine…probably always will be."

"Ah, but that's where your wrong." He smiled with a glint in his eye as he raised his glasses to his forehead. "She won't always be a machine. One day, she will have sentience, as that is what I endeavor to do the most." His exclamation was met with a sigh, and he frowned. "Everyone should have a dream, Natsuki." He said, forcing her to look at him. "Everyone should endeavor to have some sort of goal, even you."

"What goal?" Natsuki muttered, nearly collapsing in the chair she sat in. "I don't need one…your goals are enough for me."

"Chin up, girl." He said, brushing off her sadness. "Not everyone has the gifts that you do." As he said this, he handed her a pair of gloves and a lab coat. "Suit up, Miyu gets a new pair of legs today, and you're going to be in on the team. Come hell or high water, she will walk without that horrible gait of hers."

"You said that last month." Natsuki protested, a pout on her young face as she reluctantly took the offered gear.

"I did, didn't I?" He said nodding, knowing that the previous leg adjustments hadn't helped at all…in fact, if he were honest, he'd made matters worse. "The month before that too, if I recall."

"Then why keep it up?" Natsuki muttered in disbelief, slipping into the garments. "You know you'll probably fail this time too."

"One day, I won't." He told her, going over to his workstation. "One day, my efforts will see fruition, you'll see."

"Yeah right." Natsuki went over to the computer, logging the pertinent information. Scanning her thumb print to let the operating system know she had security clearance, she began unfastening the sensitive android on the table. "I'll believe it when I see it."

"You'll see it." He'd said. "That, and plenty more."

….

He was like the father I'd never had, and his words normally meant something to me.

He was the head of the Greer family, but everyone just called him Father…or, they made fun of his age…I went home with him the most at night. His wife had always wanted a child, and I needed a mother, though I resented that more often than not, at the time. They did eventually have one child, Alyssa, but that was probably pure luck.

From thirteen to fifteen, I spent most of my time in robotics. When I was little, Miyu was just an idea, and nothing more…so I remember the first time they'd built her, back when she was just a starting prototype. I grew up around that stupid machine, and at first, she didn't even look human. By the time I was actually old enough to help her, she was on her third full bodied rebuild.

With my mother gone, and the staff as my only family, you could say I dove head first into the idea of building Miyu. At first, all I could do was sit and watch, but the more time I spent, the more I got to do. I remember the first time we got her to walk like a normal human…it was the first time I actually took an interest in something besides boredom.

Something real, and more important than just robotics…but it wasn't because of Miyu…it was because of a person I'd met, who just so happened to start a fire in the lobby.

…

"Are you frickin' kidding me?!" Natsuki shouted, her voice echoing in the large, several story waiting room. "How the hell are we going to get this out?"

"I'm afraid I do not understand." Miyu said in her usual monotone. "Is this supposed to be a joke?"

"No, Miyu." Natsuki sighed. "Look at the floor."

"Seems to be unidentified matter." The android did as she was ordered. "Shall I perform a diagnostic scan on the debris?"

"No." Natsuki muttered, putting a hand to her face in frustration. "Miyu, someone set a bag on fire."

"Oh." The android replied. "If it is a threat, should I deal with this matter accordingly?"

"No!" Natsuki yelled at her, knowing what that meant. "You can't just use a sword to fix things. The jackass that did this is going to pay."

That caused the machine to twitch. "Does not compute." Miyu said then, looking to Natsuki for clarification. "An animal did this?"

"Never mind." Natsuki finally growled. "Looks like we're going to need try to get the burns marks out of the floor."

"Unfortunately, it's going to have to be replaced…but, that won't happen until we can find someone to come out to do it." A woman from the counter said in reply. "The incident happened during lunch break. We have the accused in custody, but, we also have no proof that she was the one that did it."

"We have a genetics wing. A DNA test should be easy enough." Natsuki proclaimed. "Swab the inside of her mouth and get someone to find out. Her prints should be on a lighter or something, at least you'd think."

"Shall I go find the accused?" Miyu asked, looking for direction and order.

"I'll go find her." Natsuki said. "You just...you stay." She held up her hands, in hopes of getting the android to listen. "Don't go wandering off alone."

"Send a call to forensics." Natsuki told the clerk at the front desk. "Tell them I'm bringing whoever did this."

"It isn't quite that simple, I'm afraid." Mr. Greer said with a long suffering sigh, having made his way to the lobby. "The girl is a delinquent, no doubts there, but, she is a special case." The little girl he was holding, his daughter, wanted to be put down, so he relented. "As of today, Natsuki, you'll have a new bunk-mate."

"What did she do?" Natsuki muttered, picking up Alyssa when the small child finally made her way over to Natsuki's side.

"Don't judge her before you get to know her." It was all that Mr. Greer said before pointing down the hall. "She's a smart cookie, even if she is troublesome."

Natsuki frowned before passing the little girl back to her father. The little one whined, but Natsuki just sighed. "Sorry, Alyssa…looks like you're stuck with him until I get back." Offering the little girl a grin, Natsuki glanced over to Miyu. "Play with Alyssa until I get back, okay?"

"Affirmative." Miyu answered with a nod.

"Stop talking like a robot." Natsuki growled at her. "You'll scare the kid." She made her way down the hall, a path she knew well, seeing as it was the way to the elevators, and to the meeting rooms. There was an entrance to the first of several presentation rooms too, but she bypassed all of it. She knew where the trouble maker was probably waiting, and with a sigh, she'd finally made it to the personnel elevator at the end of the hall.

With a swipe of her card key, she was granted access to the basement floors, and went to the lowest level. Her own apartment. There, she found the girl, who looked to be only a little younger than herself. "Let me guess, classic pranks one-o-one…feces in a paper bag."

The girl with fire red hair looked up from the comic book she'd pulled from one of the shelves, a cocky grin on her face. "Amazing what dog crap will do, huh?"

"Don't sound so proud of it." Natsuki sighed, crossing her arms. "Not only are the fumes bad for your lungs, you could have set the entire building on fire…what are you, a pyromaniac?"

"No, nothing like that. I just got bored." The girl said, her lime green eyes still reflecting the sentiment. "I was sitting in that damn lobby for over an hour, I figured I'd liven things up a bit."

"By setting excrement on fire…" Natsuki couldn't believe it. "Why are you here, exactly?" She asked with a huff, pulling the manga from the girl's hands.

"Reasons." The teen shrugged. "I'll be here for a while, I guess." Although she seemed not to care, there was a distinct aloofness in her eyes, and it was one Natsuki caught easily.

"From where?" Natsuki pressed, the withdrawn attitude bothered her. "Who sent you here?" It bothered her even more than the second bed that found its place in the far corner of her living space.

"They didn't send me here." The girl finally growled. "I came here, alright!"

"Jesus, calm down…" Natsuki sighed. "What's with you?"

"Nothing." The redhead said, standing and going over to the elevator. "Just, stay the hell out of it."

…

At first I was confused…and pissed…but then, I remembered that I had to take some unmarked boxes up to the medical floor. When I got there, she was there too, sitting out in the hall. I was almost afraid to go into the room…

Almost, but not quite.

When I walked in, I saw a woman hooked up to every life support machine we had in the facility worth mentioning. Turns out, the woman was in a coma, a deep one. None of the doctors at the general hospital could pull her out of it, and ours were some of the best worldwide. We had experimental medicine and doctors willing enough to try them.

I never had a friend my own age before…only hard working, if not eccentric adults. Doctor Gal is the kind of person who's fun loving, hardworking, and to some degree, completely insane. She saw after all of my medical care when I was little, and still hovers around me when I'm sick to this day…she's considered the best we have, and that was a title she had since my mother was alive.

Turns out, she'd taken the rather obscure case…and along with it, came Nao.

…

"Such a face doesn't suit you." A short woman sighed, coming to stand on a stool to raise her height. She paused to see beyond the glass window, and then nodded to herself in what seemed to be approval. "What's eating you?"

"Nothing." Natsuki should have known such an answer wouldn't fly.

"It's always something." Gal smirked, pushing her jet black hair out of her face, the circles of green and golden hair dye showing up vividly under the florescent lights. "Did you eat a good breakfast today?" She asked, raising her hand to Natsuki's forehead. "You're looking a little pale."

"I'm fine." Natsuki said coolly, pushing that inquiring hand away. "Just memories is all."

"Five years isn't all that long ago, when you think about it." The small admission was the world to a woman like Gal, who knew Natsuki's difficulties all too well. "No matter, I suppose." She said easily enough, stuffing her hands into her deep coat pockets. "Dwelling on the past won't change it, and I doubt Saeko would want us to fuss over it."

"Hm." Natsuki agreed, though such a soft and gruff sound often meant the opposite. Natsuki didn't agree, not really. Not when she felt like she was looking in on a ghost of her past. "There's a girl in the hall…" Natsuki said then, a distant frown on her features.

"Her name?" Gal asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Dunno." Natsuki shrugged. "Didn't say."

"You never asked." Gal replied knowingly.

"Don't need to." Natsuki murmured.

"Didn't want to." Gal fired back.

"Damn it, I hate it when you do that!" Natsuki lost the fight, and she knew it, giving the doctor a small, but meaningful shove. "Why do you always have to be right?"

Gal simply smirked. "Because I'm an ass?"

"No." The offering was met with Natsuki's own sigh. "You're not."

"Someone's going to be right sooner or later, kiddo." Still as she leaned easily on the wall so that she could face Natsuki. She let some of that humor fall from her voice. "It'll be good for you to have someone your own age to chill out with. To be honest, I was getting worried about that."

"Yeah, 'bout what?" Natsuki asked, a small frown forming on her face again.

"You." Gal said simply. "You're fifteen, Natsuki, don't you think it's time to enjoy life a little?" As she said this, she pulled out the wallet she kept in her back pocket. "Saeko was a wild one at your age, you know? Always restless. You couldn't tie her down to save her. She smoked, drank, and cursed like a sailor. Gave your dad a real run for his money when they were young."

Natsuki saw all sorts of pictures, but she couldn't bring herself to really look at them. Her mother seemed to be in every single one, and Natsuki knew they had been taken before she'd even been born. "Yeah, well can't prove it by me."

"I can." Gal said fondly. "I look at you, and I see a lot of your mom twinkling somewhere in the back of your eyes." When Natsuki gave her back the wallet, Gal just shrugged impassively. "Why do you think she took Midori on as an apprentice?"

"Because she's insanely smart." Natsuki said, knowing that to be true. "That's why she took Midori on."

"That is one reason." Gal agreed. "But, she took Midori on because that girl managed to get herself put on academic probation. It looked good on the records that Midori continued to pursue some sort of academic activity. That's why your mom did it. Saeko had a soft spot of rebellion, always felt as if it was a woman's prerogative to take convention and turn it on its head."

Just then, they heard the intercom chime. "Professor Gal, we need you in exam room B."

"Ah, well, that would be my cue." Gal nodded, hopping off of the stool she was standing on. "Life at fifteen, can only happen at fifteen."

"You've been hanging around Midori too much." Natsuki sighed.

"Have I?" Gal asked. "Or do you think perhaps it's the other way around?"

"Who cares?" Natsuki groused. "You're both weird."

…

I didn't know the circumstances…but, I knew one thing…I was stuck with that delinquent.

I liked to play with Alyssa, and I didn't mind hanging out with Miyu to help with her the complicated programming, but…I guess…well, there was just something about living with another teenager. It made me a bit uncomfortable, and for weeks, I didn't talk to her.

Not really…anyway…we cursed at each other, but that was about it.

She always seemed so lonely, and that hit closer to home than I wanted to admit. It dug up old memories and ate at me…made me sick once or twice too…I couldn't seem to hold my lunch when I realized she was worming her way into a depression…I just kept seeing myself…how I was when I was ten…I remembered the cold feeling, and lack of caring…the earth could have swallowed me whole, and I would have been thankful…I could see those same aspects in Nao…and, it really made me wonder how different we really were.

I came to one conclusion…

The difference was, I learned how to keep busy. I forced myself to become happy, but seeing that girl sad all the time, really pissed me off. Now, she's one of my best friends…but back then, we really didn't mesh well…

…

"If you have time to sit there every day, you have time to help out around here." Natsuki said, throwing a white lab coat into the younger teen's face. "Come on, get moving."

"Screw off." It was dark, tired, and filled with a loneliness that was very distinct.

One that Natsuki knew all too well…the same one she had buried deep, a long time ago. "Why?" It struck a cord to hear it. "So you can sit there all damn day again?"

"Just like I do every day." The teen said, her lime green eyes not leave the floor they stared at. "What else is there to do?"

"Live." Natsuki said, her voice a bit harsher than she wanted it to be. "You'll die, if you keep sitting there like that."

"Bullshit." The girl murmured, though it was enough to make her look up at Natsuki.

"I'm being real." Natsuki said, sitting down beside the girl, sliding a few boxes off to the side. "Studies have shown, depressed people suffer more, get sick more easily…die at an earlier age." Natsuki shrugged. "You hardly eat, I know you don't sleep…you keep that up, you will die, one day."

"Everyone dies eventually. You don't need a study to tell you that." The younger teen muttered dryly. "What are you, an idiot?"

"God, I hope not." Natsuki said rolling her eyes. "My mom was one of the smartest Japanese women alive, about five years ago…and my dad, I guess he was a pretty good businessman from America…if I'm an idiot, when I die, I'll never hear the end of it."

"Ah, you're a half breed." The redhead laughed. "A real mutt…"

"You're a jerk." Natsuki sighed. "At least call me Natsuki, since that is my name."

"Nao." The redhead nodded. "But, you're still a damn mutt…so, that's what I'm going to call you."

"More and more, the term jackass seems befitting for you." Natsuki sighed, but she stood up, stretching her back as she did so. "Look, you can sit there, bored out of your mind, or you can haul boxes with me…your choice."

"What do I get out of it?" Nao asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Something to do." Natsuki answered, wondering why she was still putting up with this girl. "If you're lucky, Gal may foot the bill for a cream soda…if not, we can always bum some chips in the cafeteria."

"You act like you can do whatever you want." Nao said as she put on the lab coat. "You own the place, or something?"

"I wish." Natsuki said with a smirk. "I'm just the orphan of the building. Mom used to work here, so, you could say they kind of took me in."

"Sounds pretty dumb to me." Nao shrugged.

"It is." Natsuki laughed. "But, that's how it goes, I guess."

…

I never knew what it was like to be a normal teenager…but, I can't say I really cared about it. Time went on, and eventually I found myself as a seventeen year old with no GED or diploma, but a world of knowledge that had always been around me. Contrary to popular belief, my understanding of the world wasn't so much stunted, as it was guided in a very direct path. I didn't mind that, because it had always been what I'd always known…

They call the method "unschooling" a questionable, and often ridiculed teaching style, in which the child dictates the core curriculum that they're most interested in. Basically, learning what they want to learn, and do so by living their day to day lives. I was motivated in enough ways, it worked better for me. That's what Gal says. She laughs, saying I would have gotten bored and uninspired in the class room, and, she probably right.

That type of upbringing had its own fair share of downsides, but at the time, I was confident that it didn't matter. I believed fully that I had been born and raised to surpass my mother, and, I believed I'd lived a lifestyle that would allow me to do just that. Things went on as they always had…but, I still felt like I was missing something huge…my life just didn't seem right…as if, something just wasn't there…and it should have been.

I can't explain it well, but, at that time, I found myself between a rock and a hard place…because I knew what I wanted, but I had no idea how to attain that desire. It wasn't that I was entirely clueless, but when you have a full lab at your disposal, and the possibilities are nearly endless, you realize how small one person really is…and, I realized how influential one person, like my mom, can really be.

I remember when I inherited her old office, and I wondered if the life I lived, was really the life I wanted it to be…I struggled a lot with that, when I was seventeen.

…

"You should have seen the look on his face." Nao cackled, draping herself over Natsuki's bed, the booze getting to her. "Old man Greer was completely pissed!"

"I would be too." Natsuki frowned, rolling Nao off of her legs. "You've got to stop sneaking out…you're a minor and under his watch." She put the book she was reading on the nightstand. "Besides, I'm the one in charge at night…he'll kill me if he finds you walking around town at night without a responsible adult." When her eyes cut to Midori, she sighed. "Responsible being the objective word."

"You should so come with me then!" Nao laughed. "You haven't lived until you've taken a beer bong challenge."

"How much did you give her?!" Natsuki roared, looking at her kitchenette, where Midori was sprawled out on the cold wooden floor, uttering nonsensical pleasantries to the cool feeling of tile on her forehead.

"Shh!" Midori raised her fingers to her lips. "Shhh…old man Greer might be watching." She started snickering. "There are cameras in the walls."

"Not down here there isn't." Natsuki rolled her eyes. "Only on the main floors of the building." She said, looking back over to her tipsy friend. "Nao, go get in your own bed if you want to sleep."

"Dun wanna." Nao snuggled closer to Natsuki, tucking her head into the crook of Natsuki's neck. "You're warm."

She shoved the girl off the bed entirely this time. "Get off!" As Nao pushed herself up from the floor with a smirk, Natsuki sighed. "What?"

"Dude, the Fujino heir was there." Nao said with a cat at the canary smile. "Turns out, it's a chick!" With her hands she started making overly rude gestures. "A hot one, should have seen her, I'm telling ya…"

Natsuki put a hand to her face, and sighed. "Earth to Nao, stop being an idiot." She licked her lips, and tried to get the image out of her head. "Shizuru Fujino would not be caught dead at a midnight rave, she's got better places to be." I tried not to think of the fact that she came into the building with her father every other week. "The Fujino's are one of our top investors."

"She's around our age too…a year or two older than you." Nao piped back up. "You should nab her one day, take her to a coffee place, or something."

"Nao, go to bed." Natsuki rolled over, turning her back to Nao. "You're drunk."

"Am not!" Nao jumped up. "Just a wee bit tipsy…"

Having lost all restraint, Natsuki threw her wallet in Nao's face. "Go get something to eat from the cafeteria, just buzz off before I really do murder you."

Once it was quiet, and Nao was gone…Natsuki had to admit, there was something about that Fujino girl. She'd always seen the young heiress around in her younger years, especially during the showcases held in the summer. Natsuki made it a point to avoid her, keeping her head down, and her presence nonexistent. It wasn't that she had to do that, the family knew of Natsuki's situation…but, that was the entire problem.

Natsuki didn't want to be looked down on, or pitied, and she preferred her solitude anyway.

She couldn't sleep, so she got up and went to the top floor of the building, stepping out onto the sky-walk that lead to a balcony. There, she lit a cigarette, but she didn't put it in her mouth…instead, she put it in the nearby ashtray. An offering for the departed.

"What do you want from me?" Natsuki asked to the sky above her head, anger lacing her tone. "Do I follow your footsteps, or do I just stick with chilling around for my whole life?" When she didn't receive a response, she finally broke down. "Damn it mom…" She murmured. "Damn you!"

"Harsh, Natsuki." Gal spoke, leaning over the edge of the roof that she was laying on. "You two get into a fight or something?"

"She's not here." Natsuki bit out, angry at being overheard. "How can you fight with a ghost?"

"It happens." Gal said, laying back down and out of sight. "You'd think it's impossible, but, sometimes I yell at her too…for not being here…I tell her that if she was, I'd slap the shit out of her."

"And I thought I was crazy." Natsuki said then, looking down at the tiny burning coals.

"Not crazy…just lost." Gal said then, her voice a soothing, quiet lilt. "You're too young to know your path in life." With that, a chuckle slipped out. "I'd be worried about you, if you had everything all figured out."

"Aren't people supposed to figure that crap out at my age?" Natsuki retorted, her mind frayed. "I'm seventeen…and no matter what I do, I'm compared to her." Natsuki plopped down in the wicker chair in the corner. "We're nothing alike."

"Uh huh, funny you say that." Gal just laughed at the irony. "At seventeen, your mother was trying to see how far she could get on a pack of luckies, and a few bills in her pocket…she didn't even get into university until she was twenty."

"That's bogus." Natsuki said then. "Why the hell not?"

"Couldn't afford it." Gal said scratching her head. "Natsuki, you need to realize, your mom ditched home way before that. She worked her way up from nothing to everything…she didn't have a plan in life, hell your father didn't even have a damn condom."

"But that just…" Natsuki shook her head. "How does a person like that become a scientist?"

"She screws around with a worthless man, like your dad." Gal said softly. "Finds out she's knocked up." Gal became quiet then. "She cried over that for a while, she didn't know what to do."

"Jesus…" Natsuki murmured, but Gal just continued.

"She gets into university on a snowballs chance in hell." Gal said quietly. "Proves everyone wrong by passing with flying colors, and getting her master's degree in half the time…she got an internship here, and the rest, as they say, is history."

Natsuki couldn't say anything to that, she was speechless. Still, when she felt Gal pat her on the back, she looked over to meet Gal's eyes. "She was a strong woman Natsuki…you're a strong one too…you'll figure things out, it just takes time. That's all."

"Yeah, well, it isn't like I'm going to take off with no money, or a plan." Natsuki replied bitterly.

"Don't see why not." Gal shrugged, putting another cigarette to her mouth. "Worked for your mom and me." She left the rest of the pack on the ledge, along with the lighter. "People like us don't do too well, when we think too hard. If we do that, we just get stressed…just go with the flow, and don't block out opportunities."

…

There was a lot of sense in that, and, Gal knew me pretty well…so, that night I tore up a few notebooks I'd been scribbling ideas in. That wasn't smart, and looking back, I kind of regret that…but, I think the lesson is still there. I still recall what was written in those books…I know what those dreams were, and the complicated plans that I thought might make millions. Even though I'd never utter them to a soul, they didn't need to have a form to have that important meaning…even though, I still kind of wish I had them on paper.

There is one project I might build, one day…

...

"Hey, you wanna get outta here?" Natsuki asked Nao one extremely early morning, the chill was enough that she could see her breath. "Just take off one day, and never look back…ever thought about doing that?"

"This isn't a movie." Nao had been laughing at first, but when she realized Natsuki had meant it, she grew quiet. "I doubt the streets are any place for you."

"They are for you?" Natsuki asked then. "Come on, that's a load."

"Naw, I mean…if you think about it, we'd probably end up dead." Nao looked out, over the city streets, the sun was just about to rise. "For a person like me, that might be normal…even fitting…but everyone loves you."

"I can't swallow that." Natsuki shook her head. "Don't put me on a pedestal."

"I'm not." Nao murmured. "I think you're frickin' stupid."

"Well, thanks, asshole." Natsuki didn't budge when Nao leaned into her.

"Yeah, don't mention it." It was times like this that made everything okay. The restless energy seemed to vanish, as if the darkness in the sky was some void that sucked it away. "There's something to all of that crap that Gal bitches about…if she can't wake my mom up, I will."

"Gal taking you on?" Natsuki asked, it was the first she'd heard of it.

"Haven't asked her." Nao shrugged. "Besides, I'd probably be total crap as an apprentice…I hate taking orders." The long pause had gone on for long enough. "What about you?"

"I'll let you know, once I figure that out." Natsuki sighed, falling back to lay down entirely on the roof. Gal was right...sometimes, it was just better not to think so hard.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

I wanted to believe Gal was right…but, I just couldn't make heads or tails of her words. There were some things that really hit home, and just made sense to me. Others, well…they made me think i was going crazy. Sometimes, I thought I wasn't just my mother's shadow…but that I was also repeating her mistakes. It didn't sit well with me, so I started looking into what I wanted to do most.

I'd only been doing odd jobs around the lab up until that point, and only because I felt like I had to do something. Lifting boxes didn't make a living though, it wasn't even gratifying. I didn't know what I wanted to do, but, I knew I liked working with Miyu, so I figured robotics would be the place to start. It was logical, and something I knew how to do well.

I just never realized how invested I was in the project, until Shizuru came into my life…

…

Natsuki licked her lips, sighing as she leaned on the painted brick wall. In hues of blue and white, it was a beautiful one that spanned the entire main floor of the building. Natsuki was waiting for the elevator to take her to down to her apartment, but it seemed slow going…stopping at every single floor above her. She knew why it was doing that, but she didn't like the wait any less. The faculty one was out of commission for repairs, so she was out of luck.

Though they would be done soon, Natsuki couldn't shrug away the fact that the head of the Fujino family, a private investor, had come to pay the Greer family a visit, and like usual, he'd brought his only child…his daughter, Shizuru. Whenever she came around, every knew about it, and why not? She was gorgeous.

Dressed to impress on a corporate level, it made sense to Natsuki that the woman come waltzing into the main entryway with a cream colored, and fully tailored blazer. It came with a knee length skirt to match. The woman wrapped in the cloth was devastatingly beautiful. It wasn't only that, Shizuru was known to be both analytical, and uncanny. Her father was a man with more money than he knew what to do with, and he was bored most of the time. He found his amusement by throwing money at the Greer family for just for giggles.

A woman with a family and reputation like that, was one that Natsuki tried to avoid. The problem was, it wasn't as if she could just go running in the other direction. It didn't help matters that she looked scruffy, and Natsuki suppressed a sigh, looking at her own attire.

A pair of jeans that had a rip in the knee, and a shirt that had a huge stain that she couldn't quite explain. She'd been working on a few lesser projects in robotics all morning, and so it could have been anything from oil, to ink, and any number of colored dyes. Hell, it could have even been Alyssa's candy that had melted onto her shoulder. "Shit." She murmured, pressing the button on the elevator much faster than she knew she had to. "Hurry up." She urged it along, even though the effort was a futile one.

"Our robotics division has made several strides in the past several marking periods. Soon, we will likely reach superb standards across the entire board." Natsuki heard Mr. Greer's voice coming from the long hall. The trio were headed her way. "Miyu's come along nicely, and pretty soon, we should be able to release her model for further testing."

"That's good." Mr. Fujino said kindly, allowing for the small talk, as he always seemed to do. "I was beginning to worry about that pet project of yours."

"Well, we can't always supply the military, now can we?" Mr. Greer laughed.

"No, I suppose we can't." Shizuru said then. "So then, is it true that Miyu can function purely as a domestic aid?"

"More or less, though, I can't say that she has all of the reasoning yet, she's getting there. She can cook, clean, do the laundry…" Mr. Greer smirked then. "She could even be a nanny, should the need arise for one."

"It sounds like quite the robot." Mr. Fujino said, highly impressed. "Does she serve brandy?"

"She could." Mr. Greer laughed. "Join me for a few belts in the office?"

"I could be persuaded." It was at her father's antics that Shizuru sighed. "Is something the matter, Shizuru?" He asked.

"I wouldn't take the construction of a machine costing several million in funding so blindly." She told her father, a bored lilt in her voice. Her accent flowed out easily, only intensifying her words. "I would question the fundamentals of one machine who can do so much." Shizuru said, a bit put off by the idea. "Surely, the idea of such a thing seems amazing, but what about put into practice?"

The elevator still hadn't come, so Natsuki was stuck, sheepishly waiting by the doors. "She's fine." Natsuki blurted. "Miyu is actually working well. We also just installed a new program into her AI unit this morning. Testing will begin later. " Natsuki said, trying to sound confidant in her abilities, though truth be told, she hadn't wanted to be seen. "Natsuki Kuga." She said offering her hand, dirtied by her work though it was.

"Saeko's daughter." Mr. Fujino said, as if the name came to mind easily. "The pleasure is all mine." He took her hand all too willingly. "I'm Tadao, and this is my daughter, Shizuru."

"You work here now, do you?" Shizuru asked, a puzzled look in her beautiful crimson eyes. "This is the first I've seen of you."

"Something like that…" Natsuki said quietly. She took Shizuru's hand in her own, nodding a little bit, and averting her eyes.

"Natsuki may not look it, but she is truly her mother's daughter." Mr. Greer said, putting an arm around Natsuki's shoulders. "Having been raised here in the facility, she has more experience with Miyu's capabilities than even my most trusted assistants."

"Really now?" Tadao nodded his head with great interest. "And just what is it that you oversee, Natsuki?"

"Oh, just this and that." Natsuki said a bit unsure of herself. "Pretty much, whatever Miyu needs, we somehow manage to deal with it. I guess you could say I've helped with any number of projects." With a glance to Shizuru, she tried to find more confidence. "This morning, we taught Miyu how to play checkers. I'd say it was an improvement."

"Isn't the basic intention of this establishment going a bit awry?" Shizuru asked, unimpressed and a bit disgusted. "Miyu should be considered a weapon to be used in warfare. Teaching her how to play a game seems rather...well, quite a bit odd, actually."

"Not if we want her to blend in." Natsuki said more quickly than she wanted, trying not to be defensive.

"Because Miyu is a prototype, we've been placing her through many different trials." Mr. Greer told the young woman, freeing Natsuki from whatever retort she might have had. "It wouldn't be wise to assume Miyu can only be a weapon, though, that is her primary function at the moment, as I promised a few sponsors. However, your father and I can see beyond the mold. It wouldn't due to have a senseless machine anywhere, and war is not where she shines."

"I find it questionable." Shizuru said then. "What's the necessity?"

"We felt like it." Natsuki replied, stuffing one hand into her pocket. "What more of a reason do we need than that?"

"Blunt, but candid." Tadao chuckled to himself. "Yes, I do believe I see the resemblance."

"She resembles far more than just her looks and attitude may imply." Mr. Greer turned to the girls. "Natsuki, since Shizuru is dubious of our hard work, why not give her a demonstration of what Miyu can do."

Reluctantly, Natsuki nodded. "My apartment is on the lower floor." Natsuki explained, though she wasn't entirely thrilled about having someone follow her around. "Miyu and Alyssa are playing down there. I was just on my way to go check in on them, if you'd like to come along, you can see for yourself."

Shizuru turned to her father who merely nodded at her unspoken question. "Run along and play. If our dusty old conversations bore you so very much, you might as well find yourself an associate or two of your own." He said this with a jovial smile and when two sets of elevators reached the ground floor, Natsuki and Shizuru went into one, while the men went into the other.

"I should warn you, I'm not the only one that lives down there." Natsuki said, as she pushed the button and entered her code to go to the lowest floor, sticking her card key into the slot. "I have a roomie, and she's a complete slob."

"I won't be offended." Shizuru said, a withdrawn look on her face as her eyes glanced down at some paperwork in her hand. "I've simply never seen this project, you see. I wonder just what sort of machine could possibly be a nanny to a child." At Natsuki's shocked expression, Shizuru offered a kind, understanding smile. "I'm to be overseeing the books. Father's hobbies are quest expensive, and mother insists that someone should babysit his gratuitous spending."

"Ah…okay." Natsuki nodded, looking away with a subtle cough. "Miyu can do any number of things, really." Natsuki said once they reached the basement floor. There were two doors, one that led to her apartment, and another that lead to a sectioned off play room. "Look and see for yourself." It had been built for this type of testing alone. "Her interaction with Alyssa is almost human."

"Yet, she is a machine." Shizuru replied. "Is she not?"

Natsuki released a breath. "So are we, if you put it that way." Natsuki grumbled a bit to herself. "The only thing that really separates us from Miyu, is that we have a cognitive understanding of this world, and the ability to make informed decisions based on our fundamental needs. At the end of the day, a mental body, or an organic human is still just a machine…it can and will be reduced to eventual failure."

The comparison was unsettling, and in Shizuru's opinion, quite an unhealthy one to have. She remained calm, and withdrawn. Her personal feelings were not ones she would dwell on during work hours. "You put a lot of faith in a machine." Shizuru said then. "Aren't you worried about that little girl?"

"You mean because Miyu runs two programs?" Natsuki asked with a laugh. "Yeah, I guess she can seem dangerous…but, really, Alyssa's the last person who would come to harm."

"How can you seem so sure?" Shizuru asked, the paperwork before her had detailed lists. The amount of artillery installed into the robot was alarming. "She has guns and a sword in her arm. Most of her software consists of both armed, and unarmed combat training. She is a machine meant for warfare. How is that not act as a root cause for concern?"

"Hm, I think it's because I know Miyu." Natsuki said then. "I grew up around her, I even remembered when I installed her sword prototype by hand."

"If you know her specifications so well, you should know that she is a machine made for destruction." Shizuru said pointedly. "I wouldn't trust her near that child, she might malfunction. As you say, Miyu is a product that remains in constant testing."

"Miyu is one of a kind. She's meant for Alyssa." As Natsuki turned to a small shelf she reached for the refreshment cooler. "Would you like anything to drink?"

"Tea, if you would please." Shizuru said, never taking her eyes away from the game of checkers going on in the next room.

"We would have to go into my apartment for that." Natsuki said closing the door to the small fridge, and closing the shelf back up. "Right this way." Natsuki took Shizuru into the apartment she called home, mentally lamenting at all of Nao's clothes strewn about the floor. "Pardon the mess."

"I'm not at all bothered by a little clutter, I assure you." Then with a soft smile, she made an addition. "You should see my corner office sometime, it's quite unkempt, much to my dismay."

"Disorganized organization is the way to go." Natsuki laughed. "I'm not so good at making tea either, so you'll have to forgive me if it tastes horrible."

"Please, don't worry. I've imposed on such short notice." Shizuru said then, sorting through her papers. "So, as I recall, you were saying that Miyu has been made only for Alyssa. What does that mean, exactly?"

"Miyu has been outfitted with two vastly different, yet intertwined programs." Natsuki said then, thinking how best to explain. "On the one hand, she could quite literally go on a warpath, killing anything she wants." As she poured the tea, she considered the child that Miyu had grown so found of. The memories of Miyu's advancement instilled a small laugh, when Natsuki was sure nothing else would. "On the other hand, Miyu has been programmed to love and respect her master…to adore her beyond belief. Alyssa is in her programming, and as such, Miyu would never hurt her."

"That sounds quite dangerous." Shizuru lamented with a gentle sigh. "How can you be so sure that her programming is ironclad?"

"That's the thing." Natsuki said coming back to the table with a half open box of store bought cookies, and two mugs of tea. "It isn't."

"I don't follow." Shizuru said uncertainly, thanking Natsuki for the offered tea with a nod.

"Humans need to learn and adapt to their environment." Natsuki said then, scowling in deep thought. "A machine can only do that so much, and a robot needs those predetermined programs to function…but, that's where the buck stops."

"Sounds implausible to me." Shizuru said slowly, unsure if Natsuki was trying to ease her worries, or give rise to more of them. "Though, truth be told, I've never seen an android in all of my life." With a shake of her head, a new concern came to mind. "Suppose that the little girl has a tantrum, wouldn't Miyu react to the perceived threat?"

That did make Natsuki smirk, even if little else. "Well, see that's the thing, we can teach Miyu how to behave over a long period of time." Natsuki nodded with a glance to the side. "Beyond those predetermined calculations I was talking about before, the sky is the limit. If you can figure out how to get a computer to process the information, you can teach Miyu anything."

"Are you telling me that the machine in the next room can learn new tasks manually?" The surprise was clear in Shizuru's voice. "You don't have to install or upload them?"

"To a particular capacity, we have to install software." Natsuki said, rolling her eyes. "However, Miyu can learn by doing…she is entirely capable of thinking and acting like a human would, at least, in simulation of what a human might do." At that, Natsuki considered something else further. "We could probably put her and Alyssa in the middle of a busy place, and no one would bat an eye at her…"

"That's a large risk." Shizuru shook her head. "I doubt it wise."

"Not yet, no." Natsuki agreed. "Soon though, it will be a phase of testing, especially if we decide to mass-produce other models."

"I don't like it." Shizuru said quite frankly, her eyes narrowing at the idea. "I hate the mere thought of a robot taking over a woman's place in the home." She sighed at great length. "Don't you see? It would be a hindrance. Children need their mother…"

"I don't discount that." Natsuki held up her hands in mock surrender. "I couldn't agree more, but, at the end of the day, that doesn't change facts."

"And just what might those be?" Shizuru asked calmly, her eyes meeting Natsuki's own.

"Well, it's hard to say." Natsuki sighed, looking away, and down at her cooling tea. "For what Miyu was intended to be, she works fine." It was the best Natsuki could do in so short a time. "We aren't trying to change the ideals of the world."

"Yet, you are trying to make that machine do what only a freely thinking human should." Shizuru told Natsuki. "Miyu belongs only on the front line, she's made for combat to save the lives of other humans."

"Or, the protection of high profile figures." Natsuki shot back. "As this simulation suggests, Alyssa fills that void in the programming." With a sip of her tea, cringing at the taste she put the cup down. "As far as Miyu can interpret it, Alyssa is her main priority and objective at all times. She'd do anything for that little girl's well being. Trust me, this is the kind of testing we need, if she's going to go into combat at all."

…

It ticked me off. I don't know why. I suppose, I just wanted to prove how great Miyu was…her operating system aside, the fact that she is a weapon shouldn't matter. I know that program, I know Miyu would never hurt Alyssa. I didn't have a doubt in my mind, and I didn't need to have one. I fully believe that now…and I fully believed it back then too.

…but, I know there are going to be people who don't like it. Some people can't accept the forever changing world in which we live. It just grates at me sometimes that Shizuru would think like that. She hasn't changed either, in all the time that I've known her…but she isn't as bull headed as she was before.

She can be so damn arrogant, in that spoiled, rich person way. Hell, I doubt she really understands sometimes, and, I think deep down, she's afraid of what technology can really do. Back then, she was more than just a little afraid though, I'd say, she outright hated the idea that I was building new prototypes for robots like Miyu. Even more than that, I thought she hated me too.

With the way she had been acting, what the hell else was I supposed to think?

….

A wad of papers slammed onto the desk before Natsuki knew what hit her. "You need to get laid." The voice that followed was a bored one, and Natsuki forced herself to look lime green eyes head on.

"No." Natsuki sighed, gathering the mess. "I don't, and I probably never will."

"You're insane." Nao cackled. "All that pent up frustration isn't good for you, ya know."

"If I'm frustrated, it's because you annoy me." Natsuki grumbled incoherently. "Besides, I don't really go for that sort of thing."

"That's not what I heard when Gal's quacks were eating lunch. There's a buzz going on in the cafeteria." Nao said, leaning in conspiratorially with a cat-ate-the-canary smirk. "Fujino was down here today, and from what I hear, you two shared a heated debate. The word is, you even made her tea."

"So?" Natsuki asked dully.

"So how was she?" Nao shook her head. "God, you stupid mutt…get with the program. The whole place is talking about it. Gal and Midori are taking bets."

"What program…and what bets?" Natsuki finally said, followed by a frown. She knew pulling all those late hours were starting to get to her. She gripped the printed wad of papers she was looking at, a growl coming up out of her throat. "And what in the hell is this this crap?!"

"Employee request records. Chie and Aoi in accounting are good for something." Nao said all too quickly with a smile. "Sooo, how was Fujino anyway? I told you she was hot."

"A hot mess, maybe." Natsuki sighed, glancing through papers she'd never seen before. Confused, Natsuki just sighed. "Why?" she asked, holding up the papers.

Nao's grin grew wider, but she said nothing.

"Holy crap!" Natsuki got angry with the fact that she had three junior high students working under her. "Who's brilliant idea was this?!" She shouted. "I'll kill 'em…"

"Yeah, the kids are going to be a pain in the ass, but, that's not what I was talking about. Looks like you left an impression." Nao said, flipping to the last page of the intern list, all of them were students in local universities or graduates seeking employment…all except for one.

"If I did, it wasn't a good one. We fought the whole time." Still, she looked to where Nao pointed, the name stood out. "Shizuru Fujino, position undecided…" Her emerald eyes looked up to Nao. "You have got to be kidding me."

"Not so bad, huh Natsuki." Nao told her. "She must like you."

"I don't like her." The retort was a fast one, too fast for Nao's liking, but Natsuki was furious. "This is an outrage, she's probably just trying to taunt me."

"Natsuki, chill." Nao's words caught her attention. "I'm just messing with you…there could be any number of reasons why she's choosing to spend time here. We have a wonderful clerical department, or even Gal in the medical lab takes on students." Nao shrugged. "She really got to you, didn't she?"

"It doesn't matter." Natsuki huffed, getting up to put the printed report through the paper shredder. If someone important noticed it had been printed in the first place, she wouldn't hear the end of it.

"Oh yeah." Nao couldn't keep the humor out of her voice. "That's a load of bullshit."

"Nao…really." Natsuki said softly. "I don't want to talk about it."

"Well, like it or not, she is going to be around more." Nao shrugged. "Better get used to it."

…

The first thing I did was storm into the robotics department on a tirade. Sure enough, Father Greer made his stance known on the topic. Shizuru was going to be joining the company for some reason or another. He said he didn't know the details, something about Tadao wanting his daughter to learn a thing or two about the inter-workings of a solid development team.

It sounded like bull crap to me, but, I didn't have any say in the matter…though, Gal, like always seemed to have her nose where it didn't belong…she knew more of the situation than I did, and I was in on the gossip one day…

There was a lot I didn't understand…

…

"So, what do you make of this?" One of the head nurses asked, reclining back in the employee staff room. "Think that the Fujino company wants to shake things up?"

"If they did, Tadao Fujino would do it himself." Midori sighed. "What's the word on Shizuru? I've only seen her in passing. I've never talked with the woman at all."

"She's a good kid." Gal scoffed with a cigarette perched between her fingers. "But, that's exactly what she is. Shizuru plays by the rules, and she's smart…but, I wouldn't say she understands the things her father does. She's too green to really look beyond obvious things." With an offhanded shrug, Gal digressed. "She had a strict upbringing, so I expect that."

"I wasn't impressed. Shizuru was stuffy, not to mention arrogant." Natsuki muttered with her arms crossed. "I don't like her…she's just too set in her ways to change her outlook."

"I doubt that." Gal said, humor laced in her voice. "She's headstrong, motivated, a chip on her shoulder…a lot like you in that way."

"Huh?" Nao butted in lamely. "Natsuki, motivated?"

"Shut up!" Natsuki growled, sending a bag of potato chips flying in Nao's direction. "Trust me, we are nothing alike." Natsuki shook her head. "We've got nothing in common."

"Except a legacy." Gal said then, taking a long draw from her smoke. "The Fujino women are an expensive engagement proposition, and in the eyes of such a family, the women are often expected to live up to particular standards. Shizuru's mother wasn't willing to sit idly by, she couldn't simply be an average housewife, although, she was raised with such ideology in mind."

"Didn't she own half of the shares to the company?" The nurse asked again.

"You mean her mother, Suzume?" Gal asked with a smirk. "She still does. I think it'll be going to Shizuru, once her mother retires."

"Go figure." Midori said with a laugh. "Even after their divorce, they still remained partners in the company. I bet that made for some awkward moments growing up."

"I couldn't say." Gal shrugged. "Word is, Shizuru's got a hard time of it. She won't inherit the entire company, so, she needs to decide what half she'd most like to run."

"What the catch?" Nao muttered with a deep growl.

"Why did you think there is one?" Natsuki asked, cocking her head to the side, thoroughly bothered by that question.

"Mutt, didn't your mom and dad ever fight over you?" Nao shot back, dumbfounded.

Gal stepped in, stopping a fight before it could start. "Thankfully, Natsuki has no relationship to speak of with her father." She took the time to put out her cigarette, and yawned at the late hour. "Nao's right though…there is a catch, and from my guess, probably a big one. The decision won't be an easy one."

…

I don't like summer internships…never have, never will.

The winter ones aren't so bad, because normally those are when the good graduates come around. Those people are smart, and really have an understanding of what they want to do…the summer crew, not so much. In the summer, we get everything from the occasional high school student, to the technicians looking for extra training. The motley crew of individuals makes for a confusing time. I don't bother with it, normally, but you can only avoid a mob of people so much.

Especially when in the case of that summer…there were three of them that got tossed into the robotics department, if for no other reason than they liked moving parts. I didn't care, it wasn't my problem. I didn't have to say a thing to them since they weren't working on Miyu. I just had to make sure they didn't blow anything up. I only saw them in passing anyway. It just bothered me because they were kids…middle school age at that. Part of some sort of summer camp.

Thankfully, they just stayed out of my way…it was Shizuru that gave me the problems.

…

"What's the matter now?" Natsuki groused, feeling crimson eyes burning into her back.

"Does she have to be so…" Shizuru trailed off.

"So...?" Natsuki turned around to face her. "Spit it out already."

"Anatomically correct?" Shizuru murmured then with a subtle cough.

"Miyu has two prototypes, and thus, two chassis." Natsuki explained, punching a few numbers into the computer pad. "This is…uh, her teenage form, you could say."

"I gathered that." Shizuru said with quite a bit of discomfort. "But, why on earth does she have breasts?"

"Part of the reason is because on a purely fundamental level, we want her to be as lifelike as possible." Natsuki said then, trying to explain why it looked like there was a completely naked teenaged girl on the table, instead of the android that she was. "The second, well, that's because this facility is made to bow to militaristic needs." She pulled an extra pair of gloves out of the nearby compartment, handing them to Shizuru. "Go ahead, touch her."

Shizuru put the gloves on, and did as Natsuki told her to do, running her fingers along Miyu's arm. "Synthetic skin?"

Natsuki shook her head. "Grafted."

"This is living tissue?" Shizuru asked, shocked.

"No, not anymore." Natsuki shook her head. "It was at one point, this is an artificial skin made of plant cells. Highly unstable, and untested, we're seeing how durable it really is…we wonder how long it will last."

"Functionality?" Shizuru asked then.

"Well, burn victims, for one. Grafting skin is a painful process. One day, this could prove to be an alternative method." Natsuki said easily. "But, in theory, since it can be applied to a nonliving form, such as Miyu, you could put it over prosthetic limbs too…on an emotional level, that can do a lot to take the pressure off a person's mind."

"I see." Shizuru frowned, pulling off the gloves, and putting her hands into her pockets. "That's a bit…unnerving."

"It's cool, if you ask me." Natsuki said. "As for why she has breasts, we have to run sensory scans on various parts of the body. We wanted to see how receptive Miyu was to the concept of touch with this skin on."

"Well, that's certainly a surprise." Shizuru said with a bitter taste in her mouth. "I never expected that you'd use Miyu for so much." Even though a few of her questions were answered, several more remained, but, they weren't about the android. "You're an odd one, aren't you?"

"Excuse me?" Natsuki turned away from her current programming task.

"You never entered a proper education system." Shizuru began, walking around the large worktable, her eyes running over every complexity, of which there were many. "You don't have a diploma, or a degree in anything." Finally, she reached Natsuki, standing only a respectful distance away, their eyes met. "Fascinating, that you think the way you do…though, I'm still brought to question why."

"I really don't think that's any of your concern." Natsuki scoffed, shaking off the real question behind the words. "Just, do whatever it was you came here to do, and don't worry about me."

"Oh, but I must." Shizuru said then. "You re the entire reason why I'm here. My family wishes it, and so, here I am."

"Wonderful." Natsuki sighed. "Well, then at least make yourself useful and don't get in my way…I hate interns." It was then that Natsuki turned back to Miyu, continuing her work. "What about here?" Natsuki asked, feeling her way along Miyu's back. "Do you feel this?"

"Affirmative." Miyu replied. "All of my sensors are in working condition."

"What about your input?" Natsuki asked her.

"Eighty percent." Miyu replied, in her usual and casual monotone.

"Does that mean she can feel things now?" Alyssa asked with rapt interest as she sat on the side on the metal slab.

"Something like that." Natsuki smiled at the little girl, knowing better than to try to explain it to her. "If you grab her, she'll know about it."

Alyssa giggled, and poked the robot. "What about that, Miyu?" The little girl asked energetically.

When the android turned to regard the girl, Natsuki could tell that Miyu was switching her programs around. "Miss Alyssa, please do try to be careful. You could fall." Though the smile was an automated one, Alyssa didn't seem to notice that.

"Do you feel it?" The little girl asked again.

"Yes, I do." Miyu took hold of the little girl's hand. "Just as I am sure you can sense this, so can I."

"Alright." Natsuki finally said to Miyu, turning off one of the nearby computers. "That about does it for today, you can put your clothes back on. Keep an eye on that new skin, we may have to replace it in hours, days, or in weeks…who knows."

"Yes." Miyu nodded. "Thank you, Natsuki Kuga."

"Don't mention it." Natsuki said, though with a grin in Alyssa's direction scooped the child into her arms. "Work on her more with talking…she still sounds like an uptight robot…not a teenage girl."

"No she doesn't." Alyssa whispered. "She does." With her finger pointing in Shizuru's direction, the woman looked up from some of the work she'd brought over from the corporate office.

"That's because she is uptight." Natsuki whispered back.

"Is something the matter?" Shizuru wondered aloud when she noticed all of eyes in the room were looking at her.

"No, not really." Natsuki said as she put Alyssa down. "It's just that we're in the middle of summertime, and you've been working all day."

"So have you." Shizuru returned.

"Have not." Natsuki pulled off her lab coat and clocked out for the day. "I've been babysitting…but I wouldn't say that anything I've done today qualifies as work."

"Indeed." Shizuru replied dryly, returning to the expense accounts. "Well, I'm afraid I don't have time for play."

"See! She's worse than Miyu." Alyssa said in a pout. "At least Miyu would play with us."

"She would, wouldn't she?" Natsuki agreed. "Hey, Miyu, why not take Alyssa and find her something to eat…"

"Are you hungry, Miss Alyssa?" The android asked, kneeling down to Alyssa's level.

"Aren't you coming?" The little girl asked Natsuki, who shook her head.

"I've got stuff to do here." Natsuki sighed, looking none too pleased about it. "I'll catch up with you guys later though, okay?"

"Alright." At that, she was much more eager to go find food, and let Miyu lift her up so that she could sit on her shoulder. "See you later Natsuki."

"She is almost human…isn't she?" Shizuru sighed, still unable to wrap her head around the concept. "How odd…"

"Well, according to the kid, you're more of a robot than Miyu is." Natsuki leaned heavily on the desk, her back turned to Shizuru out of habit. "You're so uptight, you even come dressed like that on casual Fridays." Natsuki murmured.

Shizuru glanced at her attire. "This is casual." She replied.

"Jeans are casual…kakis are casual…hell, even a normal skirt would be casual." Natsuki took one look at Shizuru, and shook her head. "That, is an outfit…and probably designer label, considering everything matches. Down to the shoes."

"I don't feel that it's out of the norm." In truth though, she did cross her legs just a little more tightly, shifting uncomfortably under Natsuki's disapproving scrutiny. "This is what I would call business casual."

"Oh god..." Natsuki shook her head. "Really, Shizuru…really?"

"There's a dress code." The noncommittal reply came.

"Not around here." Natsuki shot back. "The only thing you have to wear is a lab coat or other protective gear…other than that, basement floors one, two, and three are all private sector. The floor below us is my apartment, so don't give me that crap."

"I meant at my office, Natsuki." Shizuru sighed, putting down the calculator she had in hand, leaving the accounts well enough alone. "We have strict guidelines, even on a casual Friday."

"Explain your father." Natsuki wouldn't let the matter drop, Shizuru was truly starting to bother her.

"His gulf attire?" Shizuru already knew how often he would come here after, or before, a scheduled game. "He fancies the sport, many of our clientele wish to speak with him over a game or two. Needless to say, it's an effective strategy to gain consumers."

"God love it…" Natsuki laughed. "You have an excuse for everything."

"As you do." Shizuru sighed, turning away from the woman who bothered her so. "Everything I say comes with a retort from you." Out of the corner of her eye, she could see that Natsuki brushed her off. Shizuru couldn't say she was any less settled by spending her summer here, but, she had to agree, she wasn't exactly disinterested. Her fingers began to slow on the number pad, and the red pen in her hand seemed much heavier than before. Shizuru had to admit, she was getting hungry, and finally she gave up the argument. "Alright, let's do lunch at least." Shizuru relented, grabbing her purse when Natsuki reluctantly nodded that she was thinking the same thing.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

I wish I could say that even back then, I wanted to help Shizuru, but really, I was just bored.

It wasn't as if we could agree on anything, and to be honest, we seemed to just, I don't know, drag each other down. We even did it more than we cared to admit. We were so different, and I realized that her views were going to challenge mine…it didn't sit well with me. I just didn't think that her entire life would get in my way. Her family wanted her to get to know me. I didn't feel okay with that, because of who I was...my past, wasn't exactly horrible, but...even so.

Me…the orphan…Natsuki Kuga…Saeko's daughter. I hated that, and I was pissed off beyond belief, because deep down…I wanted to be noticed.

I just didn't want to be a figment, or shadow of the person everyone loved…and, even though I was chasing my mother in some degree, I also felt as if, somehow, I was running away from that as well. I only worked with Miyu, and never aspired to do my own project, and part of that was because I didn't want to fall under Shizuru's scrutiny...I didn't want to be told how wrong I was. Even if deep down, I knew there was some truth to it.

Why did she piss me off so much?  
Why did she push me to my limits?  
Why was I so interesting to her family, for doing nothing of value?

At least, nothing that seemed noteworthy to my consideration, at any rate. I never could understand, and frankly, I didn't care to figure it out…I really just wanted the summer to be over…I wanted space. I wanted to be alone again...

…

"He's a nice man, he's just eccentric. Still, he's brilliant, regardless." Shizuru had tried to make a pleasant conversation the only way she knew how. She simply hadn't taken into account that Natsuki and Gal were two people that would rather poke fun at people, rather than study them deeply. "At least, that is what my father tells me."

"Well, old man Greer is kind of nice, I'll give you that." Natsuki said offhandedly, more worried about making out the path in front of her, rather than the conversation with Shizuru. "His intelligence is what I question."

"How do you figure?" Shizuru wondered, knowing that the Greer family were the ones who really owned the entire facility.

"He's book smart, it normal everyday logic that he doesn't have." Natsuki could hardly see over the tall box that she insisted to carry on her own. They were replacement parts for Miyu. "Thing is, I used to live with the guy, and I still can't figure him out…"

"He's not the type of man you can take at face value…" Gal agreed, also carrying some heavy equipment. "You'd think he's just some creepy old fart."

"Gal, he is a creepy old fart." Natsuki laughed, causing Shizuru to frown. "We like him, don't get us wrong." Natsuki said, trying to stifle the oncoming retort. "He's nice enough, but any guy who sits around tinkering with Miyu as much as he does, must have some sort of weird complex." Then she turned to Gal with a smirk. "Maybe he should look into that."

"Hmm, could be." Gal returned the joke, knowing that was strictly what it was. Natsuki was fond of him, they all were. "I told him playing with dolls at his age would get him into trouble."

"That really isn't very nice." Shizuru sighed, fed up with all that she'd been hearing.

"No, it isn't." Gal agreed. "But who said we were nice?"

It was as they were walking down the hall, that Natsuki noticed something from the corner of her eye. "You two go on ahead." She told them, and started to travel down another hallway that was faintly lit. "Hey!" Natsuki shouted with the box still in her hands. "Damn kids, get away from there!"

"We're just looking." One of the youngest interns said back, feeling chastised. "We weren't going to do anything."

"Not at that, you're not." Natsuki grumbled, putting the box of supplies down with a loud thud. "Interns aren't allowed on basement floors without an employee."

"We got lost." One of the girls said, causing Natsuki to sigh.

"Let me guess…you took the stairs down to the first floor and found out they were locked." It was a story Natsuki had heard countless times before. It never ceased to amaze her. "So, looking for another way, you came down to the basement." Natsuki shook her head. "This is why I keep saying you guys need elevator passes." She pulled hers out of her pocket. "Come on, I'll go unlock the damn door."

"That's not nice, Natsuki!" As soon as the little girl scolded her, Natsuki laughed.

"You're right, Alyssa…I'm sorry." She handed the little girl the card key. "Here, you take them to the elevator, and then bring that back to me."

Alyssa didn't need to be told twice, and began to skip ahead the two wayward teens in tow. Natsuki just sighed, and leaned against the wall. She didn't realize how long she'd just been standing there until Shizuru laughed quietly in her general direction. "Shut up." Natsuki told her, but didn't open her eyes.

"Natsuki seems as if she's about to fall over." It did appear that way, after all. "Don't you sleep at night?"

"Not recently, no." Natsuki answered, her voice full of honesty. "I've been having to escort lost interns all summer, and Alyssa keeps wanting to stay over." Cracking an eye open, Natsuki shrugged. "I'm no good at telling her that she can't, so, I end up staying up all night playing games with her, and I end up teaching Miyu things while I'm at it." Natsuki had to admit, it was great for testing Miyu's learning capacity, even if lost sleep was the price.

"Would you like children one day?" Shizuru asked out of the blue.

_What? _Natsuki nearly startled at the question, but when Alyssa came running back to her side, Natsuki knew the answer was an easy one. "Yeah." She nodded. "And a dog…"

…

Shizuru's so weird sometimes…intense, but simple questions pop out of nowhere, and she expects me to answer them at the drop of the hat, as if I know the answer to them already. Sometimes, it's not that easy…but, I just say the best thing I can, and hope it'll be enough. It's annoying when it isn't, because then she just starts digging around…debating with Shizuru isn't any fun at all.

She's too sharp…back then, she grilled me all the time, and sometimes, I found myself backed into corners I didn't want to be in.

…

"That's just stupid." Natsuki growled one afternoon, caught up in yet another verbal warfare. "What makes you think I have a crush on Nao?" The day was unbearably slow. Alyssa was out with her father. Gal was caught it in meetings, and Miyu was laying on the table turned off, going through some routine scans that would take the rest of the afternoon.

"You've been sighing over that photograph for the last three weeks." Shizuru said, pointing to the one that sat in the corner of Natsuki's desk. "Whenever you get a free moment, you always look to that exact photograph. I would come to expect with how close the two of you are, that you might have a crush."

"Nothing is going on between me and Nao." Natsuki grumbled, quite a bit annoyed at such a ludicrous observation. "She's my best friend, so I miss her…but trust me, there's no romantic feelings there at all." In fact, it made Natsuki shiver uncomfortably to think about Nao like that.

"Well, you can't be lonely." Shizuru said then, coming over to lean on the desk. "You're surrounded by people you claim to be coworkers and family for you."

"It's still lonely." Natsuki said offhandedly. "It's just not the right kind of companionship." Natsuki wasn't about to tell Shizuru that she needed Nao around for moral support, so she settled on grumbling instead. "You don't get it."

"What would be the right kind?" It was yet another question that had made Natsuki uneasy recently. "A lover?"

"Don't you have some work to drool over?" The defensive growl came, trying to dissuade any more prying that she didn't really care to deal with.

"Not particularly." Shizuru said all too easily…more easily than Natsuki would have liked to hear. "I have all day free, and so do you, it seems." When Natsuki muttered incoherently again, Shizuru sighed audibly. "Is it really so hard to say?"

"Do you really need to know?" Natsuki asked, both bored and now thoroughly aggravated. She found herself tired, but lifted her chin from its perch in her palm anyway. "Why are we talking about this stuff? It's dumb."

"It's normal." Shizuru returned, her crimson eyes burning into Natsuki's own emerald orbs. They remained quiet until Shizuru crushed the silence. "You can say it…it's lonely without someone else around…someone who fills that empty space."

That voice was filled with deep implication, and Natsuki wanted nothing to do with it. "Jesus, talk about deep. What are you saying weird things like that for?" Natsuki laughed, trying to brush it off. "It isn't like talking about it will help."

"It's all in how you look at it." Shizuru murmured, pushing a few strands of fawn hair behind her ear. "I think talking helps…that words build bridges in ways that nothing else can."

"Maybe." Natsuki relented the point. "But, still this is a weird discussion for the two of us to have."

"It isn't so weird. Uncomfortable perhaps, but indeed normal." Shizuru shook her head. "We're both at that age, talk of romance is bound to come up." Then, with a bit of a sad sigh, she pushed a smile onto her face. "It isn't as if it has to help…sometimes, isn't it just good to get things off of your chest?"

Natsuki nodded dumbly, confused and bothered by the turn of events. "If you say so."

…

Ever been given something you've always thought that you've wanted, but, once you've gotten that thing, you were unsure of it?

That's how I felt about Shizuru being around me so much. Before I met her, I always wanted to get to know her…but she'd always seemed so unapproachable, I knew better than to try. Besides, what would I say to her? I always thought she was a pretty girl, with her mind set on everything she was aiming for…and I was sure whatever that was, I would never be it…and, I wouldn't even be someone she'd amuse her time with. When we did start talking, I figured all of my preconceived notions had to be true.

I had better things to do anyway, rather than to concern myself with a girl like her.

So, spending all of that time with her, well, it was hard to do. She was so perfect, it had pissed me off…but I'd noticed things…there were times that the perfect Shizuru Fujino would crack…and, it unnerved me when she did. She seemed so god damned prim and proper, I didn't realize a woman like her could feel the pressure around her. I was so wrapped up in my own struggle, I didn't think to see beyond it.

Then again, she did a really good job at hiding her emotions when it came to her pain.

…

"It sounds to me like you have your hands full." Gal laughed easily over her cup of coffee early one morning. "Don't you think it's time you just asked her what's going on?"

"Nothing is going on." Natsuki muttered. "She's just another intern."

"Who just so happens to hover around you." Gal said pointedly. "Her family even asked her to do it, don't you think that means something?"

"Maybe." Natsuki sighed and flopped back on the sofa, putting a hand over her eyes to block the florescent lights. "Why me?"

"Don't know." She heard Gal say. "If I had to hazard a guess, it's because Shizuru is the type who needs a wake-up call or two. It's like she's in a bad dream she can't wake up from." She swirled the coffee in the cup before taking another sip. "Or, maybe it's another reason."

"Like what, Gal?" Natsuki sighed, sitting up a little. "Why would her parents even want her around me?"

The professor sighed and averted her eyes. "Your mother wasn't stupid, Natsuki." She murmured quietly. "You were toddling around, and still trying to follow that girl. You were always infatuated with Shizuru." Coughing a bit awkwardly, she hid her frown with another sip. "A mother knows."

"She didn't." Natsuki didn't believe it. "She couldn't have."

"You weren't very discrete." In fact, Gal could recall a few incidents where Natsuki's interests had sort of spilled out. "You might have been very shy when you were little, but, you were also very blunt. You'd come right out and say what you were thinking, and you made a point to say it as if we were beyond the point of stupid." That caused a smirk that was a bit devious. "Hands on your hips, you'd titter on as if we didn't understand. We did though, more than you knew."

"Jesus…" Natsuki shook her head. "No way in hell." The crimson on her face burned her cheeks, and she grabbed the nearest pillow. "I didn't do that."

"You did. You were quite sure of yourself." Gal just nodded again before meandering over to her filing cabinet, climbing on a stool so that she could reach the top drawer. "She wanted to be prepared, in case you turned out to be gay." She plucked through the folders, until she came to a sealed envelope. "Now, before I give this to you, I want you to realize something." Gal said very carefully, and slowly frowning. "She didn't want to run your life, and she never would have forced you into any of this, but, she also didn't want you to make the same choices that she did."

She handed Natsuki the envelope. Inside were two separate contracts. "Arranged unions?" Natsuki asked, having torn open the white container. They were thick, containing pictures, family backgrounds, and names.

One was clearly a young man, by the name of Takeda, but she didn't look closely at him. It was the other contract that sent a chill down her spine. "She talked to the Fujino's…" Natsuki's world was turning upside down. "You knew about this?"

"You were still just a child." Gal shrugged. "A mother can dream the very best for her little girl, can't she?" She reached out, stroking Natsuki's long dark mane of midnight hair. "Shizuru's parents may just want her to get to know you…see if there's any chemistry between the both of you." Gal told Natsuki, trying to be supportive. "It isn't as if they can force the two of you into anything. None of this was made to be ironclad."

"Mom was a high profile figure. If I was gay, which by the way, I still say is debatable, I would get attention from the media." Natsuki looked to Gal. "Did my mother want me to get married to Shizuru, or was this something she did to try and protect me?"

Gal sighed, sipping her coffee once more. "I'm not going to answer that." She told the girl. "This is something you have to want for yourself…your mother would say the same."

"Sometimes I really, really hate you." Natsuki groused, sighing once again.

"I know." Gal said, not particularly bothered. "Sometimes, I hate myself too."

…

It isn't like gay marriage is noticed…it's normally frowned upon…and, it doesn't exactly hold up in court. People talk, and some don't really know how to deal with the issue. Politics aside, I'm one of those people who just don't care about it on a worldly level. Sure, I see the benefits, I see the reasoning…but, I have other concerns in my life, and most of the time, it has nothing to do with my relationships.

…or at that time, the total lack of one…

Mom knew that things wouldn't change so drastically from the time I was born, to the time I grew into an adult. Because of that, I'm sure she'd want to pick a family for me that had influence…just because I liked Shizuru wasn't the main reason, was it?

I doubt it…but, it isn't like I'll ever know…she can't tell me her reasoning. Gal probably knows, but, she wouldn't tell me. I'll always be left to guess about it. If that's the case, it's probably best not to think about it at all…

At least, that's the mindset I decided to use back in those days. It wasn't like it mattered much, I didn't expect things to just…work out...between Shizuru and me. I was more logical than that, more observant of the realities I would face. It would be stupid to think that about anyone, and Shizuru and I were two very different people. In that respect, I think, confronting her could have gone better…but, I should have recalled Shizuru's position in her life too…

She hasn't had it easy, despite her wealth, and I disregarded that.

…

"Be honest." Natsuki said, having put the contract on the table in front of Shizuru as soon as they'd had a chance to be alone. She'd told Shizuru all she knew, and now, it was time for the other woman to do the same.

"Of course I knew." Shizuru told Natsuki, as if it had been obvious from the start. "I knew who I would be marrying as soon as I was sixteen." She licked her lips then, thinking back. "I remember my mother taking me aside a few days after my birthday, and we had quite the talk about my future…and subsequently my interests. My mother was concerned you see, since my parents had a rough marriage of their own that had just ended, she wanted to be sure that I didn't have any ill feelings towards the idea."

"I'm a girl." Natsuki muttered. "They didn't care about that?"

"My mother doesn't care about anything, so long as the person treated me correctly." Then, she frowned. "Father has strong feelings about bloodlines, and breeding. Your mother met his approval. He wanted that safety net, just in case I wasn't interested in men…he looks to avoid a scandal whenever and wherever he can. My personal life included."

"You're okay with this?" Natsuki gawked. "And you didn't think to tell me this was part of their little plan, that's lovely."

"I thought you knew." Shizuru said plainly. "Arranged unions, even if they're to just avoid particular circles from making a fuss, are normally ingrained during one's upbringing. It becomes so much of their lives that they either loathe, or anticipate the day."

"You?" Natsuki asked, feeling a bit apprehensive. "What did you think about it, when you were told?"

Shizuru smiled softly then. "Afraid, at first." She said slowly. "I'd never met you, and had only heard of the stories…not many were very flattering. I simply grew to accept it for what it was, and, I didn't let myself dwell on the matter beyond that. I knew, eventually we'd meet. I could see for myself."

"I'm afraid to ask what conclusion you came to." Natsuki said as she looked the other way for only a moment.

"Tolerable for marriage, was my first thought." The reply was dry, full of its own disregard for the question at hand, finding it to be a pointless one. "Possibly children as well, was my second…provided we found a suitable donor that looked similar to one of us." Then, with imploring crimson eyes, Shizuru stood from the table. "Slight attraction grew to be a distant, if not thought provoking third. Of the qualities one looks for in a suitor, you don't disappoint."

Natsuki didn't know if she should be offended or flattered. The compliments aside, she was beginning to feel as if she were merely a piece of meat, awaiting appraisal by a butcher shop. "Well, I'm glad I live up to your high standards." Natsuki quipped, less than amused.

"Please, Natsuki, I'd only just met you a short time ago." Shizuru replied kindly, trying to ease the slow, angry fire that bubbled in Natsuki. "We haven't had enough time to get to know each other, and to be frank, there are stipulations that complicate matters anyway."

"Not that trying to get you into my bed was a goal of mine in the first place." Natsuki grumbled then with a blush on her face. "This is stupid…you'd think I know about this crap."

"It was probably best that you didn't." Shizuru fiddled, now quite uneasy. "Natsuki, I doubt that you're aware, but, not all of the shares will go to me when it comes to my inheritance." Shizuru licked her lips then. "I have to decide what I would desire more, and fulfill those prerequisites. I must do as I am required before I attain any notice of what would rightfully be mine."

"In other words, you've got to kiss their asses to get what's coming to you." It made Natsuki huff a breath. "Typical…"

"Yet not unwarranted." Shizuru nodded. "If I choose my father's side of the company, I'm to join in union and either produce or adopt an heir as soon as humanly possible. He views progeny as a great strength, you see."

"And your mother?" Natsuki deadpanned.

"She's less interested in my abilities to produce children, instead, she looks for me to marry someone able to one-up the competition…namely, whoever my father may give his half to." Shizuru explained at great length. "That would require the person to go above and beyond his normal expectations, which are already steep. She really enjoys goading him, as you can no doubt guess."

"She's bitter about the divorce." Natsuki caught on quickly to that, with a smug chuckle she couldn't help but cure under her breath. "Probably has no interest in the shares, or the money."

"Exactly." Shizuru nodded. "She's holding them over his head, of course, and she expects me to want to do the same." Then, even though she was amused that Natsuki would get the implication so easily, she knew deep down, that didn't mean Natsuki agreed with it. "To be clear, I don't really care who I marry, due to the fact that it was never one of my longstanding concerns anyway." At Natsuki's questioning gaze, she merely brushed it off. "I don't need the shares, nor the company. In fact, I doubt I'll take over any of it. I simply don't want to."

…

Retrospect gleans insight, thankfully…however back then, it threw me off…

Shizuru, an heiress to a small fortune, didn't want to take her own money? I thought Shizuru was insane, part of me didn't know what to say to that, so I chose to just keep quiet. Money has a way of making people do things that they wouldn't normally do. In Shizuru's case, it seems to have a nasty habit of pushing her away from her family.

I mean, my mom left me money too…but, it's nowhere near as much as the Fujino's total net worth. I'm actually afraid to know what that number is…and to this day, I still don't have a damn clue…I never want to know. See, Fujino Industries alone is a hefty sum, and that doesn't include the Fujino's other ventures...the very lab that I grew up in is only one example.

They have donations on the record books, but also, a lot of money off record too…money that was probably used to putter around aimlessly with Miyu's programming. Tadao Fujino doesn't like to admit it, but he's as drawn in as the rest of us, at least when it comes to Miyu's abilities…even in his old age, he tosses money around as if it's confetti.

To be honest though, back then, I hadn't really given much thought to Shizuru as a possible wife.

I didn't respect her, or her wealth, until she told me she wanted nothing to do with it…then I realized maybe she was just a normal person…that maybe she just wasn't little miss perfect. Maybe she still wanted to get to know me after all…and not because of her parents.

When I thought about that, I wanted to give her a second chance.

…

Natsuki wasn't going to admit it, but working with Miyu meant dealing with a lot of small things…things that she wasn't prone to usually doing. It wasn't as if she was used to walking around outside of the labs, but, then again, there were far worse places she could be.

In fact, deep down, there was something oddly appealing to it. "Miyu's reacting normally, that's good." Natsuki said whilst standing in a stable, feeding a nearby horse a carrot. "All systems seem to be in working order."

"Did you assume she would do something else?" Shizuru asked, watching as Alyssa and her robotic companion amused their time with one of the grazing ponies in the pasture. It was just the right size for the young Alyssa to feed and brush, and she seemed to be taking great joy in it. Miyu simply looked confused, but obliged the child when told to do something.

"No, not really." Natsuki said then, looking up to where the crest of the Fujino family hung on the nearest wall. "She's been extensively trained around animals prior to this visit, but, a barn is a whole new world for her." As if to make that point known by the gods above, a barn cat ran away, flying through the grass at great speeds before catching itself a mouse. "I didn't think she would care."

"I'm sensing a rather large catch." Shizuru said, though she wasn't nearly as worried as she knew she sounded.

"Her programs are numbers, and her choices are variables." Natsuki explained…Miyu watched the cat with disinterest, but didn't go on the defensive, and that was exactly what Natsuki had been hoping for. She nodded to the scene. "There was a chance she'd try to remove Alyssa from the area, in an attempt to protect her."

"Under what pretense?" Shizuru's question was lazily spoken, her mind at ease as she enjoyed the breezy shade. "Surely she knows there isn't any danger here."

"That's complicated." Natsuki shrugged. "I don't really know…but, the more exposure to new places, the more she'll scan those experiences into her database. Later, we can categorize them as we see fit, telling her if the experience and her reactions were appropriate or not." After a bit of thought, and nibbling on her lower lip, she laughed. "It's like working with a little kid, sometimes."

"Yes, well considering Alyssa is part of this pet project of yours, you work well with children anyway." Shizuru nodded towards Miyu. "So does she, honestly, I'm impressed by that."

"I'm not impressed by much anymore." Natsuki said then with a soft laugh. "Miyu's the kind of machine that makes me think to myself that anything is possible. I remember a long time ago, when she was just this motorized head, attached to a long pole." Natsuki brought her hand a few feet off the ground. "I was about this tall, I think, when I first saw her like that."

"That didn't bother you?" Shizuru knew she would have been petrified as a little girl.

"Are you kidding?" Natsuki laughed, recalling an old, fond memory. "I used to try to feed her by stuffing things into her mouth."

Amusement shimmered in crimson eyes before Shizuru's eyebrows furrowed, a frown forming on her beautiful face. It was as if something had dawn on her. "You really grew up in that lab." Shizuru said suddenly. "Didn't you, Natsuki?"

Natsuki nodded. "It wasn't just a figure of speech." Though, in thinking about it, and watching Alyssa spend all of her free time with Miyu, she knew it was a good way to live, and to grow up. "It's all I've ever known to be honest. I don't regret it though."

"You've never had the chance to." Shizuru replied honestly. "But, even if you could, would you really want to? It isn't as if you could change your past, despite all of the reflection in the world."

"Doesn't stop people." Natsuki didn't want to say it, but her voice betrayed her. "From reflecting on it, I mean." Natsuki finished with a small cough. "Do you hate them?"

"Should I?" Shizuru asked, the question clearly implied her parents. "I wonder sometimes, if that would do any good at all."

Natsuki wondered that, as she looked out to the grassy knoll that Alyssa took such great joy in…the childlike innocence was something Natsuki didn't consider herself to have ever had, at least, not as freely as Alyssa seemed to. "I don't think it's a matter of should, or shouldn't…" Natsuki said slowly, picking on some bits of hay that clung to the jeans she had on. "I think it's a matter of if you could."

"That's an interesting notion, I suppose." Shizuru laughed lightly. "But, I also think hate is too strong an emotion to feel without truly meaning it. I also believe it's the same as love, it's a very difficult to stop doing."

"Yeah, I guess." Natsuki shrugged. "I wouldn't know. I've never really loved someone before, not like what you're talking about, anyway."

…

The things she said made sense to me. I felt like I could agree with them, when we weren't talking about work. In some ways, she really seemed like the type of person I could find some measure of comfort in. Her views were easygoing, simple, and yet soft.

I missed that, or rather, I missed out on that.

It occurred to me, I'd never really lived. Like Miyu, I was so sheltered, in so many ways. She was like a breath of fresh air, but also, a severity. I wondered then, as we talked, how thick her accent could get, how calm she could be. How much she had discovered.

I wondered if every time she blinked, she could somehow see another world…or, if I was really that blind…so unseeing, that I'd forgotten what youth was. I wondered then, what my mom might have seen when she left her home as a kid. I wanted to see more too…and for some reason, one that I still can't explain, I wanted to do it with Shizuru by my side.

I also knew, at the time, it was impossible to do.

…

Once an idea dug its way into her mind, it would do one of two things…it would stay there until she did something about it, or it would just pass by. All things in her life could be put into one of the two categories. She'd been hoping that Shizuru was going to be in the latter, but, summer had come and gone…and so too did the internship. Nao came back, and for a while, she was a welcomed distraction, at first.

The days weren't the same though, and Natsuki found herself thinking about Shizuru. It wasn't that they called every day, or that she dreamed about Shizuru at night…it wasn't even that she missed the woman of fawn tresses, crimson eyes, and a quick wit. If Natsuki were honest, they seemed to go back to the way things used to be...at least, outwardly. In truth, it didn't seem right. Somehow, there was a real emptiness that hadn't been around before. It lingered, and Natsuki didn't want to think about why…it scared her to think about it…and about what it could mean.

So, before she knew it, she was packing up a duffel, slinging it over her shoulder. "I just, I need to get out of here." She told her best friend, both with confusion and gritted teeth. "I think this place is finally getting to me. I might actually snap."

"I think you've lost your damn mind." Nao watched with a bored expression. "This is just one of those weird phases you go through, I wouldn't worry about it."

"Is it?" Natsuki asked, licking her lips and releasing a frazzled sigh. "You know, Nao…I don't think so anymore." She closed her eyes, gripping the duffel tightly. "I want to know what's out there…see where it takes me." Even more than that, though, she wanted to see Shizuru again, as much as she wanted to deny it. "If I really thought it was a passing thing, I wouldn't do this. Instead, I would just stay here, but I don't think there's any point to waiting, and I doubt that it will do me any good, either. "

Nao stood quietly, holding the glass of orange juice, even though she had it spiked with vodka, the sip she took seemed bland. "How the hell…" Her question trailed off and she dumped the drink down the drain. "I don't think I want to know."

"You do, and you know it." Natsuki's words were clipped but she tossed to duffel on her bed anyway, sitting down. "I just don't have an answer that can satisfy anyone." She said shortly after she sighed. "Not even for myself, that's what bothers me. I mean, who really knows why were shoved on this damn earth. Everyone has to find a meaning someplace, right? What if that meaning is something we can only find for ourselves? If that's the case, maybe I should go and see what I find."

"Natsuki, you won't find anything out there." Nao came over to sit on Natsuki's bed. "You can't romanticize it like that…you'd probably just end up feeling empty if you do. Come on, you know I'm right." Nao curled up, resting her head on her knees. Her toes gripped at the blanket, and she looked at the folds in the covers. "What are you so afraid of? Being compared to your mom, I think, that's a good thing."

"It's not that." Natsuki told her friend. "If it was only that kind of crap, you know I wouldn't be doing it…besides, mom did something similar, so if anything it'll make me easier to compare to her." Even if that thought didn't sit well, Natsuki wasn't looking for an easy solution. "I think that's the problem, I feel empty, a little bit. Like no matter what I do, it doesn't matter, because mom already blazed that trail, I'll just be her shadow here…and I don't want that."

"What are you going to do then, idiot?" Nao asked, then…her eyes filled with worry that she was trying to hide behind her snide remark.

"I don't really know yet." Natsuki shrugged, picking up her duffel again. "But, I'll figure something out."


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: When I wrote this, I had "She's Saving Me" by the Indigo Girls playing on repeat. Look up the song if you want, it'll probably add to the reading experience if you've never heard it before. This is the last chapter, I ended up combining 4 and 5 after all. Like I said in chapter 1, its open ended, but really, I think that's pretty fitting.

I hope you enjoy it...

* * *

**Chapter 4**

I had plenty of excuses. Anything that would let me avoid the truth about my mother, was something I would latch onto.

It was because I didn't understand the meaning of significance. It was because the tangible realities that I faced, were not enough for me. It was because I was her shadow, her daughter, her legacy. My emerald eyes were the same as hers, but, we saw different things. Why hadn't I noticed that before? I don't know, but, I still felt the draw. It was pulling me into the abyss, as I tried to search for some deep meaning that just wasn't there.

I wouldn't call it soul searching…not really.

Mom left me a lot of money, more than anyone would know what to do with. If they saw all of the zero's at the end, people's eye would bug out. I just didn't need to spend any of it. In truth, there was enough saved up to get by for several years, and that was under the idea of living quite comfortably at that. The feeling was almost overwhelming. When I held that credit card in my hand for the first time, my breath caught in my lungs. I'm sure a lot of people would feel some sense of entitlement, but I just felt guilty when I used it.

My first major expenditure was purchasing an apartment, and not a cheap one, either.

It came fully furnished, and over looked a scenic view of the nearby harbor. The first thing I did was sit down. I just sat and looked out at the glimmering water, and the boats. Well, that, and hold the little plastic card in my hand. It was my ticket to the rest of the world, and, I didn't exactly have a limit, so long as the money held out…but, knowing that didn't put food in my belly, and my bed was cold that night.

I even fell asleep with the television on, because Nao wasn't around to piss me off.

I couldn't blame anyone, I could only hate myself. Breakfast was a dry piece of toast, and poor excuse for coffee…the packet was some stupid little complimentary thing that I found in the gift basket. It came with the apartment…I didn't care for it, but I drank it anyway, then I left.

I'm sure I'm the odd one out, especially when it comes down to what to do after buying a place to live. I'm sure most people go out and by things they need, or look for a job if they don't have one…they do something, right? I didn't. I walked around the city all day…but, it wasn't like I didn't have a good reason too.

I wanted time, perspective...the fresh air of summer, even though all I could find was the slight nip of fall.

…

"The first night is always lonely." The short woman sighed, as she sat on the park bench, tossing some crumbs to the birds who waited for a good meal. "I wish I could say it will get easier, but instead I guess you just get used to it." The professor laughed. "In any case, I thought you'd be long gone."

"Me too." Natsuki said quietly. "I actually got out of city limits, for about an hour…then I turned around." She looked down at the pavement, waiting for the crack to open up and eat her whole, knowing it wouldn't happen. "Whatever I'm looking for, it isn't out there." Natsuki said then, before reaching into the paper bag that sat between the two of them. Pulling out a plastic container with a burger inside, she bit into it with dissatisfaction. "It's not back at the labs either."

"Then where is it?" Professor Gal asked, more with a smirk on her face in good humor, than in a pressing retort. Though, from the objective eye, both women knew the truth about that. "If you had to take a guess, where might you find what you're looking for?"

"If I knew that, I wouldn't be looking." Natsuki replied, continuing to eat her lunch. "Hell, I don't even know what I'm looking for…only that I'll know once I find it."

"Have you contacted Shizuru yet?" Gal cut to the core, her voice startling Natsuki.

"Why would I do that?" Realizing she wasn't going to worm her way out of things that easily, with a sigh Natsuki put down her food, and leaned back to look up at the fluffy clouds in the sky. "No, I haven't." She said then. "I probably won't, either."

"I don't know why you're so stubborn." Gal muttered, but she continued to feed the birds anyway. "Did it ever occur to you, that you could just be looking for Shizuru…that you're just lonely, and that you miss her? One phone call is all that would take."

"That's not good enough." Natsuki said all too quickly, she put the empty container down, watching as a stray dog came over to lap at the leftovers. "I know not everyone is lucky enough to find a job they both love and strive for…and not everyone finds happiness either, but say that a person does find those things…doesn't that make their lives stand out…doesn't it make them amazing?" Natsuki wasn't entirely sure, but, it was the truth her life seemed to revolve around. "It worked for my mom, didn't it…and you too, right?"

Gal smiled, a bitter sweet smile. "Yeah, Natsuki. I guess it did."

"Huh?" Dumbfounded, Natsuki studied Gal. "What's that for?"

"What's what for?" Gal asked, pulled from her trance.

"That weird face you had, just then." Natsuki said slowly. "It was…odd I guess."

Gal grew silent then, considering what to say, as if her words were a heavy weight, even for herself. "I'm of the belief, that a person shouldn't try to make their lives extraordinary…but rather, that they should spend their lives with extraordinary people, savoring the most mundane of days." With a soft chuckle, she looked over at young woman. "But, that's not something you can understand, because you are such a person."

Natsuki return the laugh, but denied Gal's words. "There's nothing amazing about me. I don't have anything to show for myself, not yet." That's what Natsuki aimed to do, in any way she could. "I just haven't found that one thing yet…but I will, eventually."

"I wouldn't be so sure." Gal stood, stuffing her hands in her pockets, pulling out a breath mint and popping it into her mouth. "You were born and raised in that laboratory. When you were small, the world was your oyster, and you drank in every bit of science that you could. You helped to build Miyu, and Alyssa sees you as a sister. You may not have blood relatives, but you aren't without family…if things were different, I'm still sure you and Nao would have been the best of friends…or, at least bitter rivals." Gal had been watching, and she could see Saeko in every movement…and yet, there was something else in those emerald eyes that Saeko never had within. "You don't have to compensate for anything…or anyone."

…

I didn't want to believe her…I didn't want to just accept the things she said so easily.

I felt that doing so would be like accepting a consolation prize, and I didn't want to be second place. I didn't want to be last, or first…I didn't really have a goal either, but I thought that it didn't matter in the short term. I did everything I could think if, from clearing tables, to car repairs, and even spent some time drawing up new plans for robots, and other bits and pieces. For a good few months, I found myself drowning in less than satisfactorily places, doing mediocre work for horrible pay.

My heart just wasn't in it…and I just didn't care about the small details. Things like a crumb or two on the floor, or the importance of good service seemed wasted. Unimportant, and, quite frankly dull. The plans I kept drawing up were dull too. New bike models, robot dogs, even just the occasional sketch or two, it all seemed so pointless.

The only thing I could think about was the arranged marriage, Shizuru…and the summer that was gone. It was like a drug, and I was sorely lacking in it…I would have given anything to just have a small bit of that back.

In the bitter cold of winter that year, I bought a ring.

…

It may have been the wrong time, but, there wasn't going to be a right one. She doubted that matters would change so significantly, and she didn't care to make a grand speech she couldn't back up. The world was a big place, and she was only one small person. Natsuki didn't to be arrogant enough to think that romance would suddenly sweep a person off her feet. It wasn't real, and, it wasn't what she wanted.

"I'm not doing this because of what our parents talked about." Natsuki said from the doorway, leaning heavily on it, having tossed the small velvet box onto Shizuru large, and elaborate desk. "Don't bother opening it…the box is empty." Coolly, she kept her eyes averted, not because she wanted to be that way…but because it was the only way she could avoid melting into that infuriatingly beautiful woman. "I want to think about it, together, I just thought that you should know."

It wasn't the grand announcement that most women might have expected, and Shizuru was sure than many would probably think it offensive and unromantic. Yet, it almost fit. Shizuru sat at her desk quietly, picking up the box, noticing the lack of anything inside. The red velvet box was soft under her fingertips. She opened it anyway. "You should stay for tea."

It was so easy, and the unspoken agreement between them was like that of an echo. "Only tea?" Natsuki asked, as she finally took the time to look Shizuru in the eyes.

"You aren't one for sweets." Shizuru smiled slowly as she stood from her place, her chair squeaking as she did so.

"Neither are you." Natsuki replied, taking hold of Shizuru's hand. "I don't care much for stipulations, either."

"No, I suppose you don't." Shizuru said softly, watching as the silver band was easily slid onto her finger. It was a plain, simple little thing, but, that too was Natsuki's way of showing her affections. "Then, what should I offer you?"

"Nothing." Natsuki said then, bringing her hand up to cup Shizuru's cheek, feeling quite out of place doing so. "Whatever happens, happens…and whatever doesn't, well that's okay too."

"This is sudden, and quite unexpected." Shizuru admitted, unsure of just how she felt about Natsuki's advance, but welcoming it all the same. Natsuki seemed to be hesitating, and such a reality made Shizuru smirk. "You didn't think this far ahead, did you?"

"Should I?" Natsuki began to pull away, but Shizuru grabbed hold of Natsuki's warm palm, and leaned into it with her cheek. "Thinking gets me into troubled whenever you're concerned."

"I've begun to notice that." There was just the smallest tinge of amusement in Shizuru's voice, but a plethora of it danced from behind Shizuru's eyes. "Come, and sit." She said, trying to lure the conversation away from the topic of impending marriage for a moment. As a natural hostess, Shizuru melted into the role, her mind switching gears as she poured Natsuki a cup of the warmed substance from the tray. It had been delivered not too long before, it was the perfect temperature. "You look tired, Natsuki."

The words were heavy, but the woman of midnight tresses nodded. "Yeah, you can attribute that to the hours I keep." Being tired was normally a godsend, as it gave Natsuki a reason to collapse in bed without staying up all night thinking. Still, it was currently her enemy, as Shizuru's voice washed over in her that calming melody. "These past few months have kept me busy."

"Have they now?" Her smile was a bit darker than before, sarcasm hidden behind the thin rim of her teacup. She was meticulous, nearly cautious, it was as if Shizuru herself knew all too well. "What makes a person like you tick, Natsuki?" Shizuru asked then, the blunt question begging for an answer in kind. "Why now of all times, here of all places?"

"If I knew that, I'd be better off, wouldn't I?" Natsuki muttered then, but, she kept her eyes leveled at Shizuru, unflinchingly. "I didn't get the memo, Shizuru. It took me a little bit of time to figure things out, and to be honest, getting out for a while was good for me. It answered a lot of questions…problem is, I've only been left with more."

"Life is a curious thing, and you're an inquiring mind." Shizuru shrugged, still a bit put off by Natsuki's words. "I can't say that I'm particularly surprised."

"I can't live alone." Natsuki's words were hardly uttered, but Shizuru could hear them perfectly. "I've moved in to that apartment building, over there." Natsuki said, pointing to the large window, and to the tall building in the distance. "I've been job hopping so much, just to get a good taste of the kind of life that people live on the outside world, the answers I ended up getting proved it."

"And, just what answers did you get?" Shizuru asked dryly, a hope nestled someplace in-between each word.

"Everything I needed to know." Natsuki said, failing to elaborate.

…

When all you have to comfort you, is your own mind, you begin to put together small details. Things about yourself, that even if you knew were evident, you might not have known why. When you live alone, you can play music to drown the silence, the television can drone on and on, and you can blankly stare at it. As if, the screen might give you answers, but, it won't.

Even something that seems prolific, just turns out to be a pile of shit that most of the time, you just can't use.

But…we call it beautiful anyway.

We latch onto it, because it may be the only normalcy in our lives. People will blindly accept things, if it means the pain will stop. That the loneliness will disappear. A person can run themselves into the ground, as long as they feel there's a meaning behind it…something that only they can do. Responsibility or not. Blame or no blame. Reasons that are their own…or no one's at all.

But, that's life. There is no mold, no future, no past…nothing…there's nothing beyond our own minds…our own failed endeavors, or greatest success. Outcomes are just outcomes…there's no magic behind it. No reason to really look too deep, to claw your way through proverbial mud that doesn't really exist.

That's fine.

No, really…it is. Completely.

…

They'd made phone calls with a measured civility that was tantamount to complete and utter strangers. Taking things slow, seemed to be the name of the game, and Natsuki wasn't entirely sure she liked this new routine. Shizuru was kind, but, she was also lacking her usual clout that so easily cut to the burning coils of any conversation. Perhaps it was because Shizuru was treating Natsuki like a proper suitor.

Whatever it was, it had to stop.

If her words had meant nothing, Natsuki could at least accept that she'd tried. It was cold, and the chill was one that cut to the deepest bone. Her breath would cloud the air in front of her, her eyes would sting from the harsh wind, and her fingertips would numb themselves. Natsuki could be okay with that. She could lean on the brick wall at her back, perch a cigarette between her lips, and sigh. She could wait for a new day, if she had too.

She kicked up her feet, resting them lazily on an overturned garbage can. Birds that hadn't found someplace warmer to be, pecked at dirty food. Half eaten fries and grease slick burgers were a delicacy to them. Natsuki could offer a smirk, she didn't think much of it…who was she to complain, after all. They'd caw at her, nipping at her shoelaces, and still, she only watched them.

It was so easy, when she learned not to think so hard about it…but, then again, working herself ragged made her too tired to think, too tired to care. As far as she was concerned, she was on her lunch break at another part time job. The how, or the why of it, didn't matter. Just the seconds that ticked by into hours…hours into days.

That was her only map.

"Kuga, you got a visitor up at the front!" Bored, she looked up, seeing the woman she'd barged in on not even a week before. She stood beyond the mesh fence, eying Natsuki worriedly. The woman of midnight hair found it hard to make herself presentable. She smoothed out the green jump suit she had on, and shoved her gloves into her pockets.

"Coming!" She said loud enough to be heard, as she gathered the trash and fixed the can. Having emptied it, and clearing the litter, the birds had nothing to eat, so she tossed them her lunch that she'd ignored.

"Garbage picking?" Shizuru asked, nearly confused.

"Well, it pays." Natsuki shrugged, with a smirk, leaning onto the mesh fencing. "What about you?" She asked, looking at Shizuru's attire. "Still doing everything daddy tells you to?"

Shizuru shook her head with a tiny smile. "I'm a grown woman, Natsuki. I don't have to listen to everything he says, unless I choose to." Still, she did as he wished, because he was her father. "Did you want to get dinner later?" Shizuru asked then, her eyes going to the ground, sighing at herself for her forwardness.

Emerald eyes narrowed a bit, her smirk turning into a frown. "That all depends."

"On what?" Shizuru queried back, a soft heat in her murmur.

"Where it leads…where we end up." Natsuki said then. Shizuru's hand was warm compared to her own. "Will it be the front door, your bed, or someplace else?"

"I don't know, Natsuki." Shizuru told her, leaning forward just the slightest bit. "Where do you want it to end?"

"Dunno." Natsuki shrugged. "I haven't gotten that far." Natsuki stuffed her hands in her pockets. "Walk with me." She said, not giving any indication to where she was going. She merely led Shizuru to the front gate of the park, and then down one of the nature areas, where the trees had lost their leaves. "When I was little, I didn't think too much about the things my mom did, or why she did them." Natsuki began. "All I knew was that everyone loved her, and, for whatever reason, they seemed to care a great deal about me too."

"I never thought about why." Natsuki sighed, the foot path had been cleaned earlier that day, but, even so, some jackass had tossed a wrapper in the grass nearby. She grabbed it, out of habit. "Then, she died, and I got older." Natsuki said quietly. "I drenched myself in the things that were familiar to me. I thought that somehow, maybe, just maybe…I could reach her that way." With a soft laugh, she crumpled the wrapper in her hand and stuffed it into her pocket. "But, just like the trash on the ground, that's worthless."

"That's a horrible thing to say, Natsuki." Shizuru said, stopping, and standing still.

"I'm not saying that her work wasn't great when she was alive." Natsuki replied. "I'm not even saying her memory is worthless either."

"Then, what are you trying to say?" Shizuru asked her. "That everything you tried to do was for nothing?" Shizuru shook her head. "That all of those beliefs you had, were so easy to just throw away like garbage?" Shizuru wouldn't believe that.

"What I mean, is that I didn't understand anything." Natsuki murmured quietly. "I started to realize, why she did what she did. It wasn't because it's what truly made her happy." Natsuki looked up. "She did that for me, no one else. Not for her studies, or the world…just, the future she thought she might have with her only child." With a soft laugh, perhaps one that was just a little bitter for not seeing it sooner, she licked her lips. "I want to do the one thing she couldn't do."

"What is that, Natsuki?" Shizuru asked, feeling as if she might drown in very words that washed over her.

…

I wanted a family…I wanted the future she didn't get the chance to have.

Shizuru and I dated for a few months, she moved into my apartment, and quit her corporate job with that damn corner office. She said she didn't want to work those long hours, and, I didn't want her to either. We had to work to make a living, but, we didn't need to break our backs over it, that was for damn sure.

She got a job at the florist, three blocks down from where we lived, and I found myself blasting my way through an engineering degree as fast as I could. Working with Miyu had given me an edge, a solid foundation that I wanted to explore. I didn't want to be stuck in an office, a lab, or even working as a basic contractor. I wanted something else, so, after graduation, I found myself drawing schematics again, free-lance.

It gave me the time to be home, to sit, and think…but also, to raise my kids.

…

"Kenta, really?" Natsuki sighed, hearing the glass break before she even made it into the living room. "What did I say about playing ball in the house?"

"Don't do it?" The little boy asked with a sheepish grin on his face.

"They why do you still keep doing it." Natsuki half shouted. It was the second window he'd busted, and she was at her wits end.

"It's the Kuga gene, I swear to god." Gal chuckled, coming down from the loft. "Destruction comes as part of the package."

"I don't suppose you had anything to do with this?" Natsuki groused.

"Oh, lay off." Gal replied, tipping back a cup of coffee. "It's better than when you poured your milk down Miyu's throat. Let me think, a few windows, or an entire circuit board…what do you think is more expensive?"

"I was three." Natsuki said, putting her hand to her face. "So, what's the verdict?" She asked, pointing upstairs, to where her youngest was resting in bed.

"Germs." Gal laughed, though she handed Natsuki a prescription as she said that. "The kid's got a damn cold Natsuki, it happens. This will help with the fever, beyond that, just make her happy." She cracked her knuckles, and lit a cigarette, taking a long draw from it. "Ice cream, soup, juice, anything you can get her to eat or drink…just keep the kid hydrated, and she'll be fine."

"You did give her ice cream, didn't you?" Natsuki asked, to which Gal nodded. "Shizuru is going to kill me, dinner is in an hour, and my kid's eating ice cream."

"Well, she is also drinking half frozen orange juice, so I'm not entirely stupid. That kind of crap worked for you." Gal shrugged. "Don't fix what isn't broken." Then, with a grin that had to have sparked from a distant memory she scoffed. "Hell, if she gets fussy and can't sleep, make a hot toddy and let her have a sip or two, that should knock her out for the night."

"That has got to be the most unprofessional diagnosis I've ever heard." Natsuki said with a shake of her head.

"You survived." Gal muttered dryly. "Besides, her throat is as read as a tomato. I doubt you're going to get her to eat much, so appeal to her. Calories are calories, in a few days she'll be back to her old self, but until then, give the squirt a break."

It was then Shizuru came through the door, a slice of pizza covered in pickles in hand. "Hello everyone." She said, kicking off her shoes as she left her purse at the door.

"Hey hun." Natsuki smirked, wisely not saying anything about Shizuru's snack of choice. "How was work?"

"Busy." Shizuru said, giving her son a hug as she finally caught sight of the window. "What happened here?"

Natsuki was already grabbing the broom and dust pan. "I'm close to my deadline for the schematic I'm working on, Kenta broke the window, and Gal is bribing our five year old with ice cream." Natsuki said, giving the situation a once over. "The oven finally gave out, so I'm cooking the roast in the crock pot."

Shizuru just nodded her head, quite unsure what to say to any of that. "I see." Instead, she just munched on the slice of pizza in her hand and made her way over to the stairs. "I'm going to go check on Yasu."

"I wouldn't do that if I were you." Gal said. "Nao's up there keeping her company."

"It's probably just as well." Shizuru sighed tiredly, relaxing on the loveseat instead. "The baby has been making quite the ruckus all afternoon." She was so tempted to nod off, stifling a yawn with her hand. "I can almost guarantee this child aspires to be a football player."

"Now you see what I meant, when I carried Kenta." Natsuki smirked as she finished gathering the broken bits of glass.

"Well, Yasu was such a good baby. She rarely made such a fuss." Shizuru said as a small groan of discomfort slipped from her lips. She rubbed her plump midsection, trying to soothe the baby within, but she knew that was a fruitless effort. "This little boy won't let up."

"A few more weeks." Gal said with a smirk. "Have you decided on a name yet?"

"We'll decide after he's born." Natsuki said. "That's what we did with the other two, you could call it a tradition now."

"Yeah, I guess it is." It was getting to be early evening, and Gal checked her watch. She sent a text to Nao, telling her to get a move on, or else they would be late. "Hey, Kenta you ready to go to the game."

"Yeah." Kenta said, grabbing the duffel back and cleats that were by the door. "I'm ready, but we're up against a really hard team this time."

"You'll be fine." Natsuki said, noticing that Shizuru, had indeed, fallen asleep. "Listen to the adults…except for Nao. Don't listen to Nao. If she tells you anything, ask Gal first."

"Well screw you too." Nao growled. "Kenta, tell your mom to chill out, would ya?"

"Can we just go? I'm a starter." Kenta just shook his head, he wasn't going to get into that argument. "Coach is going to get really mad if I'm late."

"Yeah, let's kick it." Gal agreed. "I'll have him back to you in once piece before bed time."

"You better…" Natsuki shot back, but she knew her retort fell on deaf ears. With a sigh she looked around. The house was quiet, and for the first time all day, nobody was shouting for something, or making a fuss. Natsuki almost dared not to move, but she knew these rare few moments wouldn't last. "Better tape that window." Natsuki sighed…her schematics would have to wait, yet again.

…

Happiness is something that's far more abstract than dreams, fame, or fortune. That was something I wish I'd learned earlier…but, back then, I felt as if I had to live up to some grand expectation...I wanted someone…anyone…to discover the truth...I wanted more than anything, to just be my own person, but, that was easier said than done. I can't say there aren't times when my mind wanders, but, I can say with absolute honesty, that I don't regret anything.

Not everyone can do what I do.

They don't have the luxury…one thing I learned from all of the odd jobs I did, was that not everyone had that kind of time. Something normally had to give, to bend, and nine times out of ten…it was time spent with the family, trying to make ends meet. I didn't want to be that person. I didn't want to try to juggle a paycheck at the expense of missed time. I also didn't want to be the person with the high paying job and yet, no real family to show for it.

Sometimes, I'm told that I was too smart to just give up my position in the lab, or that I settled to be a stay at home mom…but, I really don't think so. In fact, I think I decided on the most challenging life of all. It isn't exactly glamorous, and I'd be lying if I didn't say it comes with its fair share of dirty work. Even so, I'm actually looking forward to for the next few years, regardless of what I know will happen.

I'm going to be covered in spit-up, cat napping on the sofa any chance I get, all the while pulling money out of the saving for the diapers, pacifiers, nursery water, and all of that other baby crap that clutters up a house. Chances are, Kenta, being the diminutive boy that he is, will probably take a page from Nao's book and drive me completely crazy. Yasu's starting dance class in the fall, so we'll be juggling that along with Kenta's baseball in the spring, and football in the fall. Adding a baby to that, and I can basically kiss my schematics goodbye until a routine gets settled.

...that is, if a routine gets settled...

Even so, there's something gratifying about sitting with my bare feet in the nearest sandbox, a stroller on my right, a play scape on my left, and my schematics in my lap. With any luck, hopefully Shizuru's getting in a sorely needed nap while we're out. She's only got a few more days of maternity leave, after that, she's back at the florist, and I'll be stuck at home alone trying to keep the house from falling apart.

The only thing I'm missing is a dog, but, in a few years, I'll probably have that too.


End file.
